The Pope Valve

Joke #1 - "Who run Barter Town?"

Joke #2 - The new system was so simple. The faithful simply toddled up and spouted their venial minutiae, and all he had to do was turn the "hell valve" or the "heaven valve". The Pope was extra pleased that he'd asked the workmen to connect both valves to the "hell sump"... after hours, of course.

Joke #3 - "Your Holiness, if you'd care to stand aside, the plumbers would like to replace the seals on your 'big, shiny race car' now."

Joke #4 - "And you say this one will shut off the water to the poor? Splendid. We'll see who doesn't need another gilded holy wine fountain in the entrance hall."

Joke #5 - Parallel parking the basilica.

Joke #6 - It was always annoying, having to shut off the Slip'N Slide when tour groups were coming  through.

Joke #7 - In keeping with the "new austerity", the chocolate hot tub would only be heated from noon to six, and not at all during Lent.

Joke #8 - "Your Holiness, the representatives from 'S.N.A.P.' are waiting in the antechamber. By the way, if someone were to accidentally bump this valve, the oxygen to the room would be tragically cut off, resulting in the- Oh dear!.....uuh, it's counter-clockwise, sir."

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]