Cooking Kornir - Flesh Paste Puck

Insolent worms! Prepare to accept a satisfying midnight snack solution into your pathetic human brains! Flesh Paste Puck!

If you are like me - and you will be destroyed if you are not - you often find yourself hungry, long after lights out has been declared on your starship! This Flesh Paste Puck satisfies the universal need for pasted flesh as well as your need for pucks! It is delightful or be destroyed!!!

Begin by seeking flesh. On most Sigma-Class Starships, the handiest form of flesh is your insolent First Officer. Seek him amidships, where he foolishly becomes inert and somnolent for many hours per day! Foolish creatures! Never become inert near Oteogg!!!

Depending on your personnel, noise may be an issue during capture! Eliminate this problem with a standard two-hundred gallon Ziploc freezer bag. Such bags are insulated against both noise and fluid leakage, and they come in convenient conqueror-sized multi-packs! It's just good sense, people!

Next, the time has come for the flesh to be pasted! This is most easily accomplished through routine disciplinary measuers, or "questioning". Question your First Officer until he is of a fine and creamy consistency! Collect the flesh paste in a number six officer-sized flesh bucket and slink off to the mess! This is space talk for "kitchen", ignorant readers! Slink off to the kitchen!

Refrigerate your flesh paste in the hard vaccuum of space for several seconds, to thicken the paste for additional firmness! In my experience, this is most easily achieved by sticking your arm out of the ship while holding the number six officer-sized flesh bucket. Seek the airlock! Alternately, you may simply punch your bucket-holding fist through the hull! Fate rewards the resourceful foodie!

Garnish your flesh paste puck with ridiculous vegetable matter that you will never eat, space bugs, and eyeballs. Messily devour the flesh paste puck and return to your resting chamber! You will need your strength to appoint a new First Officer!

Recipe complete! I am Oetogg! I have spoken!


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