Jantzen Sunclothes - Oppa Gingham style.

Citizens, it's vacation time. Sure, maybe you feel a little poorly that you waited till August to take the family trip, but thanks to the heroic efforts of Phil Are GO!, you waited the perfect amount of time. For, until this moment, you did not know how you should dress on your holiday. Behold, the glory of Jantzen Sunclothes!

Your friends all made the mistake of leaving for their summer holiday wearing any old cargo-shorts-and-polo-shirt-getup, like a bunch of stupid hobos, but your family will be as splendid as the annoying villain family in an Eighties comedy movie. Look at the matching, people! See how relaxed they are! See how happy! Even the family "dog" has been panzified with wonderful identical gingham checks. This way, everyone will see your family coming, and they will know that your family had everything organized and coordinated for the perfectly regimented family holiday.

Apparently, even the family's Double Yellow-Headed Amazon parrot belongs on the vacation. There's nothing a bird likes more than finding itself in strange, threatening surroundings every morning with never a moment's peace or an opportunity to get the required fourteen hours of sleep each day. What? No tortuous matching clothes for Polly? Shame on Jantzen! Dn't worry, Polly. Jantzen will be there to sell you a nice little cabana set after you develop an anxiety disorder and tear out your own feathers. Jantzen has you covered! Jantzen has everyone covered on a well-planned summer holiday. Thank you, Jantzen!

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Mat Black said...

I enjoy your commentary, though I prefer Jantzen's solids.

Richard Mahler said...

Until now I never knew Barbie and Ken had kids - one of each sex, of course, and as animated as their plastic doll parents. And the long-suffering dog with the hang-dog expression would be a poodle, and Polly is the only one of the family with any appearance of basic intelligence. Are we supposed to believe this is a family that is going to pile into that classic car for a drive to a fun-filled week at the beach?

Richard Mahler said...

If Polly didn't already have psychosis from living with this dynamic family, it would only be because she has such an overwhelming sense of superiority and laughs at their pretensions.

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