Kooking Kornir - Fish Punishment Number Ten

Greetings, Human supplicants! This day I will ram into your brain-holes the knowledge of how to prepare a beloved Nutrient Arrangement favored by none of my crew. BUT I FORCE IT UPON THEM ANYWAY!!! Prepare for instructions regarding Fish Punishment Number Ten!!!

If fish on your planet are like the fish on my planet, you know that fish can be insolent and surly! Thus, must we punish fish at every opportunity! Am I right girlfriend!!! Do not answer, because I am right! This Nutrient Preparation will serve the twin-pronged purposes of punishing all available fish as well as horrifying your crew into obedience! We will begin!

Begin by locating a small body of water and shouting at it! Fish are less stroppy when they are startled! Wearing your largest Culinary Assault Boots, stomp around in the water / liquid methane / nitrogen slurry with great vigor and also in a chaotic fashion, so that the fish do not know what is happening! Use the fishes' confusion to your tactical advantage! Seize them! Store them in a disused Handy Andy multi-purpose bucket and carry them off to your landing craft! If it is a long walk, periodically refresh your fishes' terror by shouting into your bucket!

Back in the galley, prepare a delicious breading by combining two eggs and one box of Mother Gakstomil's Extra Delicious Fish Punishment Bread Crumbs! Mix them in a number six fuel container! Do not forget to periodically point at your fish and tell them they know what they did, and that there is no use crying about it now!

Split your fishes longitudinally with your standard issue Giant Horrifying Dagger. Curl both fish flaps into delightful spirals, leaving the ends attached to the head! Pierce them with a standard Horrifying Skewer! At this point, your fish may entreat you to release them! Do not harken to their words! Fishes are golden-tongued manipulators!

Next, retrieve some pseudopods from your sleeping navigator with your Giant Horrifying Dagger! If he begins to awaken, simply hit him with the away vehicle! Pseudopods acquired! Return to the galley!

Spread out the breading on your Nutrient Preparation Surface and roll all your food items in the breading! This includes the fish windings and navigator pseudopods! At this point, your fishes may offer you a bargain, perhaps to make your their king, in exchange for their freedom! Deny their parlay! Tell them they are free to be delicious! Ha ha ha ha! Add the pseudopods to the Horrifying Skewers and then exit your craft!

Roast the fishes behind your vessel's primary thruster under normal burn for up to four milliseconds! Return to the galley and prepare to give your crew a traumatic experience they will doubtlessly report to the Admiralty! Fools! They do not appreciate Fish Punishment Number Ten! No One does!

I Am Oetogg! I have spoken!!!


Michelle_Randy said...

That one fish looks like the Blood Eagle was performed on him. Gruesome.

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