Zippo - Santa the enabler.

This 1950 ad for Zippo lighters has a wonderful Santa comic in it. Hooray! The new one's out!

Zippo lighters. Blah blah blah. Windproof, etc etc. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Unless you're a habitual smoker, a Zippo is not for you.

You may buy a Zippo just to keep around, for those occasions when you need to make a fire, expecting the Zippo to be very reliable. It is reliable, so long as you use it every day and keep it filled. The reservoir in a Zippo isn't sealed in any real way. The two halves of a zippo slide together, and inside is a dense square of cotton, which keeps the fuel from sloshing around or running out. What this design doesn't do is keep it from evaporating away in a week or two. So, unless you're "on the junk" look elsewhere for your occasional firemaker.

Anyhoo, on to the comic!

In the first panel, we see a grumpy couple, upset because they can't smoke. Why? Their shitty lighter won't work! They obviously left their Zippo sitting unused for the better part of a month. What a couple of losers! In the background, we see the legs of Santa Claus, dangling festively in the fireplace. It looks like the burden of being an ageless seasonal icon was too much for Santa, and the romantic couple were going to celebrate with a quick smoke. What a bunch of jerks those two are.

What's this? Santa's not dead after all! "Let me get that for you, you dud!" Santa lights the lady's cigarette, proving he is the better man. We can only assume Santa made off with her (She's definitely thin enough to fit up the chimney.) and they got it on in his sleigh. Lesson to all men: if you want your lighter to work when you need it to get you "in the saddle", don't buy a Zippo. Get a 75¢ cent plastic gas station lighter and it will work every time. Then, Santa Claus won't steal your date and do the nasty with her on your own roof, emasculating you. The end.

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