Cadillac 1964 - More trunk for your junk.

In 1964, Cadillac was still The Shit in luxury cars. The Europeans had yet to put a dent in the American luxo-barge market, and so Cadillac could still talk all big, and look down their noses at everyone who wasn't Cadillac.

"...wherever people of consequence gather, the Cadillac car is a predominate part of the scene." "People of consequence"! Oh, I say. We are grand, aren't we? Oew oew. No more buttered scones for me, mater - I'm off to play the grahnd piahnew.

Personal taste: Visually, Cadillacs have always have had a look that was more like a building than a car. All angles and corners. It looks like you're driving around in a bank, which, for "people of consequence" may we just the ticket. To me, they don't look fast or especially agile. In case you haven't driven a savings and loan recently, they tend to accelerate and change direction on a geologic time scale. This, in my estimation, is a poor sort of look to emulate in the design of your car. If you want a bourgemobile that looks like it could go round a corner without scratching up the door panels, look to Aston Martin, or Jaguar, or The Germans. They had this figured out in The Fifties.


Today, Cadillac is faced with the imminent mortality of their core customer base, and so have to try to appeal to people under sixty years of age. Trouble is, youngsters like us, with only most of our hair gone gray, like a bit of performance. Current Cadillacs can be quick and agile to be sure, but their family design language still tends to the architectural, and to my eye, this looks clunky and awkward on a performance car.

But to us Americans, more is more, apparently. As long as it's big, it doesn't matter that it has an interior that is still the laughingstock of the international car community, or that it's less aerodynamic than the garage you keep it in.

The '64 in today's ad could use some help. What's faster than a sedan? A coupe! What's faster than two wheel drive? Two more wheel drive! You can use more trunk space to carry your bags and bags of jewels and other riches, tastefully arranges in pirate chests. Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade, ASSEMBLE! PKSHOW! Team, you know what to do. Add and axle, lose some seats, and keep the wheelbase the same. Hop to it!

Yeesssss. Just the ticket! With a trunk like that, you could carry the corpses of those three greenskeepers you ran over in your golf cart, last weekend at the club. Accidental manslaughter charges are for people of "less consequence" than you. Somebody at the dinner gala will know how to make this little inconvenience go away with minimal fuss. Better park the car yourself, just to be safe. "Wave at the doorman as we glide by on our way to the parking lot, honey."

Here's the darling dualie as a PNG on alpha channel background. Right click it onto your hard drive's multicar pileup with your rude little finger. You're welcome!

Click for big, Thurston.

Click for big, Lovey.