Dan River - Shorts suit.

The weather is slightly warming up, citizens! That means soon you'll be on vacation or something (Our readers in Europe may want to pronounce "vacation" as "'oliday.")! That means you'll finally be able to break out all that great "sportswear" you got for Pointy Tree Day, like these great sportswears from 1964!

Obviously, playing sports is the last thing you'd want to do in flimsy sandals and a jacket, or better yet, a suit jacket, tie, and... plaid shorts? Honestly, double-you tee eff, 1964?

"Sportswear". Yeah. Exactly what the hell is sportswear anyway, if it's obviously not something you'd wear to actually play sports? Let's ask Merriam-Webster...

Simple Definition of sportswear
: clothes that people wear for playing sports
: comfortable clothes that people wear for informal activities

Thanks, marketing, for once again removing meaning from words."Sports" now means "not formal". Gotcha. "Comfortable" must be used here in the literal form. The shorts are not terribly restrictive of your movements. So, in that sense, the bottom half of the guy could be as described by his choice of "sportswear". However, in the figurative sense of the word "comfortable", a shorts suit would not be the go-to getup for lots of men, regardless of their proclivities or plans for the weekend, I think. History is on the side of this argument, too. Otherwise, we would commonly see men sashaying around our city's zoos and museums looking like they hurried out the door while changing out of their work clothes.

Here in The Future, to see a guy's knees looking like two rolls of carpet in polite company is a bit of an eye-opener. Men are slightly expected to, uuh, "trim" to some extent, it seems. Either that, or just maybe wear longer shorts. But back in the Sixties, before men were expected to be nearly women, it was hunky-dory to go Full Connery anwyere you pleased. Please recall the hotel pool scene in the early part of Goldfinger. You know the scene. Bond is hanging out, looking super dangerous in his baby blue terry cloth jumper while sizing up Auric Goldfinger.

"Mister Bond, we'll have to bill you for the rug if you try to leave the room with it. Oh! My apologies."

It must also be mentioned that, if we use Goldfinger as an example, it was also romantic and adventurous to basically commit criminal sexual assault. Think of the barn scene where Bond forces himself upon Pussy Galore. Sexy!....?

Mr. and Mrs Galore really have some explaining to do regarding the naming of children. Does Pussy have a brother named Richard?

It's easy to be conflicted. On one hand, should everyone be expected to be shiny and smooth like a baby? That's pretty weird. One the other hand, it's hard to keep yourself from jumping a little every time Bond walks out that door looking like his mom dressed him for a day at the pool.

Dan River would have us believe that these clothes are the perfect thing for a hike through Wile E. Coyote country. It can get breezy out there in the high desert. You'd better tuck your tie into your pants or it will flap around, and then you'd look silly. You don't want that.

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