Post Cereals - Going Breakfast Clear.

The P.A.G! Images and Scanning Them Team reported to me that that this ad happened to fall in the centerfold of the magazine, and that it happened to have already worked itself free of the binding some time over the past fifty-six years. As a result, it was a cinch to gingerly lift it free and scan it with no funny paper-groin weirdness going on. "Yeah yeah, big deal. Just give me the Graphic Gifts, already."

Just as we look to The Seventies for amusingly horrible judgment and routinely awful decision-making, The Fifties are a reliable source of delusional irrational exuberance and positivism bordering on the disturbing. So, as a purveyor of first-thing-in-the-morning nutrition, Post only felt obligated to give you the impression that, if you ate their cereal, it would magically give you the energy to leap up from the table, get out there and physically assault the day.

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Just look at the way junior bravely simulates optimism. he almost looks like he's not afraid of whatever he'll face today. What's wrong, junior? Having doubts? Be careful, son. You just keep eating. Take it in. Let it become part of you. Don't ask too many questions.

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Sis looks like she's drunk the Kool Aid. She seems to have been fully indoctrinated into the cult of Postology. She's a level three clear, it seems. But if that were true, wouldn't she be able to pour the bowl using only her breakfast mind powers? Maybe she should ask for her $128,000 back? Hahaha, just kidding. She doesn't want to do that. Even if she says she does, she doesn't.

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Mom's looking flushed and ready to do whatever that thumb needs her to do. Go get em, mom! With that kind of dedication, you have nothing to fear from The Father Figure.

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Good frikkin morning! How's your energy today? No time to talk about it because dad's got too much energy to finish a sentence! He's positively vibrating with unreasonable optimism. What's he laughing about? What's not to laugh about? he can bend space and time using only his mind. He's couch-bouncingly cranked! If you ask him why, you're clearly part of the problem and need to be destroyed. You'd better vibrate too or be deemed Fair Game. You don't want to be Fair Game. Don't even ask.

If you think you can sleep tonight with these happy people on your hard drive, go ahead and right click them onto your computer, so they can influence the thinking of all your other files, unless your file seem capable critical thought. They'd better not.

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Jack_Dayton_72 said...

For years my Grandma called Kellogg's Corn Flakes "Post Toasties" and I never understood why. It wasn't until I was looking through an antique store about 20 years ago that I saw something that said "Post Toasties" on it....

Linnea said...

Why would a cereal brand focus on their packaging and keeping the product "fresh"? Post cereals were the also-ran behind Kellogg in terms of sales, so a customer had a greater chance of buying stale cereal. This all changed once the cereal manufacturers started pouting on the SUGAR in the mid fifties - Sugar Pops, Sugar Smacks, Trix, Frosted Flakes, etc.

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