Science and Mechanics - A single page. So much joy.

The small ads at the back of  old "men's interest" magazines are where the publishers accidentally tell you who they think you are. This is, of course, the way it is with all advertising. By trying to sell you something, advertisers are inadvertently telling you what they think you're like. Their sales pitch is, ostensibly, an attempt to relate to you. But at the same time, the ad reveals their estimation of your motivations and vulnerabilities. Most often, the message is something like "you are frightened, insecure, paranoid, ignorant, gullible, and mostly dumb".

This single page of ads from the June, 1955 issue of Science and Mechanics is a treasure trove of amazing ads made by, umm, "unskilled" advertisers who weren't so good at concealing their judgment of the reader.

You believe that pirates raided the oceans of the world in search of the most treasured stamps.

You see yourself as a perpetually downtrodden victim, and fantasize in graphic detail about crippling your perceived enemies. 

You dream of being Richard Kiel. Or, you wish to eat any creature, so long as it wears dentures.

You dream of being a world explorer, and desire "helps" on "every subject", including "personality aids". I think my old boss suffered from Personality Aids.

Your ambitions of adventure, violence, and excitement are hampered by your continuing hernia problem.

Your ambitions of violent adventure are hampered by your continuing hernia problem, and you have difficulty getting into your truss due to your continuing arthritis problem.

You not only believe in magical powers, but wish to use them to subjugate others to your demented little will, and mustn't, under any circumstances, be allowed to have any authority over anyone.