Up Your Decor - CHRISTMAS TREEEEES!!!!!!!!!

Hey, decorators! It's Christmas time! Do you know what that means? That's right! It means it's Christmas time!!!! Let's get your stupid crap of a house looking ship-shape for a super fab Christmas season! Today! We're helping you with your Christmas tree!

I know you're probably planning on getting a growng-in-the-gound, planty kind of tree, just like always, but you know what? This is 1971! We live in the future! Let's get mod!!!!

I know what you're thinking: "Flowers for Christmas decorations? Vorbia, darling,
are you an idiot or a genius?" Correct! Do you know why? Because it's always
flower season somewhere! Anyway, this golden fake flower Christmas tree was
easily made for under a hundred dollars! Just get a hundred dollars, and go grab
a large punch bowl, and some aquarium gravel, a broomstick and, well, all the
things in the picture. Cram them together so they look like the picture and just like
that you're done! Of course, once you've got a Christmas tree like this in your
living room, you'll want to instruct all your family to only wrap presents in a way
that is color coordinated with your decorating or they'll be thrown away!

Oooooh, so maybe a flower Christmas tree is too conventional for you? I hear
you, and I applaud your fashion-forward Christmas sense! In that case, this
eye-challenging postmodern design is so up-to-date you'll think you're celebrating
Christmas in a dreary Dadaist poem! It's made from coat hangers and nylon mesh
and yellow garland and some electric candles. There's only one thing your family
will love more than putting gifts underneath this po-mo tree, and that's taking them
out from underneath it!

If you're feeling more playful than profound this season,
then you can easily make this fanciful Christmas tree from
colored duct tape! What? You don't have colored duct tape?
Well, go get some and color it! You'll also want another
ever-useful broom handle to hold the whole thing up. And three gold balls. Then, just watch your family stare at your curly Christmas creation!

You're welcome!!!!