Q: "How the hell can I get my Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day Card?
A: It couldn't be easier! Just send us your addre- Q: "TELL ME HOW!!! NOW NOW NOW!"
A: Hey, shut up and let me finish, spaz. Send us your address. That's it. PhilAreGo@gmail.com
Q: My actual mailing address? How do I know you're not going to stalk me?
A: You don't, but how do I know you're fascinating enough to stalk? Besides, we're all too busy here at Go Plaza to bother with stalking people. Look, if it's really that important to you, email us an outline explaining why your lifestyle is so interesting that we'd want to sit in the bushes and stare in your windows. If you're really that great, we'll try and get someone out to your house to glance in your direction, but no promises. We've got stuff to do, man. Jeez, narcissist much? If you think we have the time to sit in an unmarked van across the street from your house, you are probably grossly overestimating the interestingness of your life, and also the amount of free time we have here at GO! Tower. If you're that paranoid, give us your work address, or the address of someone you know. We don't care.
Q: Free? Yeah, right.
A: That's technically not a question. But yeah. Free. Crazy, huh?
Q: I'm a-scared. Can't you just email it to me?
A: That's lame. No.
Q: How many different Pointy Tree Day Card versions are there?
A: A bunch of different ones.
Q: Can I pick which of the ones I get?
A: Nope. A one will be chosen by our Officer of Randomness and sent to you.
Q: If I collect all the versions of the Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day Card from way long ago, will they be valuable some day?
A: Sure. Why not? Go nuts. All you have to do is live forever to prove it.
Q: Can I get one of each of the ones? I want them all!
A: Don't be greedy.
Q: Free? What's the catch?
A: Alaskan salmon in butter lemon sauce with summer squash and a side salad. Also, there isn't one.
Q: Are these just leftovers from last year's cards? Or the year before?
A: How dare you. And no, they're not. All of the ones feature an image we've posted over the past year.
Q: Why do I want one of your stupid holiday cards?
A: Good question. I dunno. Because they're free and possibly funny?
Q: Will this year's card contain any "post-consumer content"?
A: Eew. No. Sicko.
A: Hopefully. Especially if you make a little puppet out of it and make it tell jokes.*
*Jokes told with a Phil Are GO! Pointy tree Day Card Puppet are the responsibility of the Pointy Tree Day Card recipient and the Pointy Tree Day Card puppeteer. Phil Are GO! denies responsibility for any content recited by the Pointy Tree Day Card Puppet.
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