Beer is best.

Here's a weird thing. Picture Post Magazine, 1951. An anonymous advertiser buys a quarter-page ad for beer. Not any particular beer, or any particular pub. Just the idea of having a beer on the way to wherever you're going. A beer. Not a bunch of beer. Forget idiot college bros who start out as jackasses and turn into willing felons after a few. A chap can have a beer and still be a "gent".

In a city like London, where you can get around without driving, it's not such a scary idea. It's more of a public service announcement. Please enjoy.

This ad makes a strange combination of two fonts. The first one is a simple sans-serif that's a lot like Two Cent MT (but not exactly), which is a favorite of mine. It's a classic Fifties font that you see a lot in pamphlets and informational materials from the era. "have a beer on the way" No capitalization or punctuation. Odd. The second font is Cooper Black, which, as it turns out, was released by Barnhart Brothers & Spindler type foundry in 1922. But Cooper Black is usually more associated with The Hated Seventies, as it was used heavily on everything from T-shirts to posters at the time.

Companies that developed fonts weren't calling themselves "foundries" as an affectation back then, like they do now. In the days of offset printing, the letters of a font were cast in steel and arranged by hand to spell out the text. So, if you were a font company, your product was designed in-house and distributed in the form of little steel letters, which were cast in your own foundry. So, the word "foundry" applies. Pretty cool.

There's a novel that uses a set of offset letters as a critical plot point, if you're into that sort of thing. Mr. Penumbra's 24-hour Book Store sounds like a young adult genre novel, and I guess it kind of reads like one, too. I've read it, and it's fun and light. Just not great. It's definitely got interesting things in it. A secret society and a global puzzle with a fortune at stake. There's thing thing about a famous typeface called "Gerritzoon" being a precious, long-lost artifact that must be located. It's about technology and new media, and it uses the worn-out plot device of potential immortality, which is kind of lame. I won't spoil your disappointment by telling you what makes a person immortal. I'll let the book disappoint you. Hint: It's something an eighth-grader would have come up with, thinking it was savagely clever. It's not. Here's a review by the NYT  on the book.Bottom line, if you're a fontophile, go and read it. Or, just spend the money on a decent twelve-pack of something brewed in small batches.

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Aero Bar - Less is more.

When the Phil Are GO! Junior Food and Ingestibles Correspondent dropped this ad on my desk, I barked out a laugh and patted him on the head. First, because his hair feels like a puppy, but second, because I had forgotten about Choco'Lite candy bars, from 1975. More on that later.

If there's one thing we all love, it's getting less for our money, right? Guess who had the idea of a chocolate bar full of air bubbles. Go on and guess who looked at a perfectly good chocolate bar and thought "Something's wrong here. There's too much chocolate in it." It sure as hell wasn't a consumer.

Enter the foamed chocolate bar. This 1951 ad is for Rowntrees Aero, which is a British candy bar, apparently marketed primarily to the Virgin Mary all over England. Please make you own lame puns about "holy" candy.

Foamed chocolate is that greatest of all food manufacturer's dreams - selling you air for the same price as actual product. See, if you whip the chocolate full of air bubbles and then pour the mold, you can use words like "light" and "delicate", all while charging the same price... or maybe even a little more. Nothing could be better. It's a very profitable idea that gently screws your customer in a light, delicate way.

A quick check on Amazon shows a couple of different candy bars like this. You can buy regular Hershey bars on Amazon all day long for 46¢ per ounce. Let's find some foamy options.

Hershey's Air Delight. 64¢ per ounce. Hershey's would be truly delighted if you're dumb enough to buy this.

Hey! Aero bars are still around! Looks like Nestle bought them out. If you want these, you'll have to import them from England , and it'll cost you $1.30 per ounce, luv. In both cases, the art on the wrapper is careful to show you lots of chocolate spheres, as if it's really important to Hershey's that you see what they're taking away from you. 

Here's the commercial I remember seeing on TV in The Seventies. The girl reeeeally seems to like Choco'Lite. Maybe a little too much. Careful, miss. What would Mary think?

Belly Scope

Joke #1 - "No dad, your keys are still there. Go use the bathroom again. Jeez, can I go outside now?

Joke #2 - M&M Mars researchers proving that Snickers really satisfies.

Joke #3 - "Okay, fine, dad. You win. You're a thirty-seven and three quarters, NOT a thirty-eight.

Joke #4 - Determining the detectable effects of a situp.

Joke #5 - Confirmed by Science: Oooo! Someone's been working out!

Mr. MontyHallPants_2 just can't stop joking. Joke #6 comes from the man dressed as a pencil - Who could ever forget those memorable lines: Harold Watson! Come on down! - You're the next contestant on "Smell My Intestines"!! - Where you could win tens of dollars If you can guess what this person just had for dinner, using only your olfactory senses!!...Or by guessing what was left behind Stall Door #1, #2 or #3.!!!

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

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Marlboro - Read like a man.

The interwebs loves to point out that several of the Marlboro mans have died of smoking-related illnesses. Yes, irony is hilarious. But guess what? way way back in 1957, The Marlboro Man wore glasses and.... read books.

It seems like the current model of American machismo is as likely to have a guy burning books as much as reading them, but here's Marlboro in 1957 holding up a symbol of Yankee toughness in the form of a man who, apparently, is literate.

But wait, there's another thing. Marlboro Man was in the military - or, at least his hand was. This is more in line with the kind of image we have come to expect from mister imaginary tough guy. Just goes to show you what a complex guy a marketing tool can be. So, in what branch of the service did he do his serving? I don't recognize the tattoo at all. It's not any emblem from the USMC, or the Army, Navy or the USAF that I can find. Maybe it's a legal-safe military-looking thingy that makes you think what Marlboro wants you to think, all without ruffling the epaulets of the military brass? I dunno. Maybe one of our Alert Readers knows it. Please mention in the comments if you recognize the tattoo.

UPDATE: Thanks to Alert reader Missus Bug, we now know that the tattoo is an older version of the Navy pilot wings. Thanks, Mrs. B!

What's Marlboro Man Reading? Hard to say...
"The Deinttees of Nirdieree, by Sinsnam". Never heard of it. Must be over my head.

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The earbuds.

Joke #1 - 1877, Thomas Edison invents the first earbuds with integrated microphone, 130 years before there was anything to plug it into. Apple loyalists line up around the block anyway, wondering what they are being loyal to.

Joke #2 - "Me, come here. I want to see me."

Joke #3 - "Siri, set a reminder to be a total dick to Tesla every day for the rest of my life. Oh! ...and remind me to murder an elephant."

Mr.That'sAllIGotPants_2 may not have a lot, but what he got, he gave to us for joke #4. Thanks, MTAIG_2! Epic Fail as a young Colonel Sanders tries out the "Extra-Extra Krispy O'Phone", which offers his patrons the ability to hear just how "Extra Krispy" their mouthful of chicken really is.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]

*Yes, I know this isn't Thomas Edison, but he just looks a bit like him. Feel free to point that out in the comments anyway.

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National Poetry Day - Gronk make poem. Field Drinky Man.

Tiny hoomans tell Gronk today "National Poetry Day" in somplace "Ink-a-land". Gronk make poem. You read Gronk poem. Have poetry.

Field drinky man.

Two mans and boy in field

where grow piles of hair.

Hat man seem boss of hair pile field.

Boy man think he boss of hair pile field

even though boy man have sissy hair cut.

Boy man fight hat man for be boss of hair pile field.

Drinky man think tired of working

in hair pile field.

Drink drink drink.

Drinky man think "why want be boss of hair pile field?"

Also think "what if hair pile field is just big head?"

Hat man argue boy man.

Boy man argue hat man.

Drinky man fall down

to sleep.

In hair pile field

that smell like balsam and jojoba

and have all-day shine.

Hey nonny hey.

Gronk poem done.

Gane Air Flow Needle - Possibly does a thing!

Automotive news now, from 1950. Get ready to holy shit yourself, motorists! Some people who use a thing report different gas mileage than other people!

Miracle mileage extenders are still made today, and why not? We're still making dopey people, aren't we? They need an outlet for their dopeyness. Here's Jalopnik's list of ten of the worst bogus mileage boosting products still sold today.

The Gane Air Flow Needle is supposed to improve your gas mileage. I haven't tested one, but it has all the earmarks of bogusness. Plus, there's the likelihood that, if this doohickey did what it claims, the cars would be engineered with one already. The auto industry is competitive, and as such, employes really smart engineers who are always looking for an edge over their competition. cars are pretty much tuned to the limits of technology and production budgets. if a two dollar screw-in needle could boost mileage 25%, it would be in there.

Note that nowhere in this ad does it make a promise of actual performance. It uses the lawyer-safe phrases of "up to 25%" and "some users report". These statements are not falsifiable or meaningful in any real way. Know what number technically falls within the description of "up to 25%"? Zero does. Users may actually report improved mileage. They may also report that their neighbor is a lizard alien. Wording like this sounds like actual evidence, but it doesn't actually mean anything. Language like this is still the gold standard for B.S. gimmicks. Look for them on your favorite UHF rerun of the day!

But hey, let's not overlook the implicit bigotry of the art in this ad. Did you spot it? That's right! It's one of our favorite nearly-obsolete bigotries, the old "Scots are stingy" prejudice, as previously reported here and here. See the letters at the top of the ad? the ones that say "SAVE GAS?"? They're not painted plaid on accident. Someone went to the trouble of simulating a tartan pattern in those letters because, as every racist old-world cracker from 1950 can tell you, Scottish people are cheap, so they would be interested in saving money on gas. Clever, right?

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This ad also had a little flippy overleaf thing with some decent clip art of a man pointing at us. He's very compelling, even if his hand is strangely undersized. Be careful what you allow him to make you do! Better yet, point him at other people to make them do things.

"You there. Yes, you! Don't notice my freakishly tiny hand, but click for my bigness."

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