Amazing Mystery Button - Some kind of button thing. Startles everybody. Possibly something about sound. Also cardboard powered. Also a better version with three screws. Order now.
Vitabrush - Miracle treatment for those suffering from Hair Sleep. Wake up your scalp. Cures various head things with made up crap. Allegedly fun. Write today for particulars. *Not responsible for loss of marriage after subsequent multiple casual romantic encounters or V.D.
Gigantic Auto Battery Chargers - No more battery trouble. Simple to use in uncommonly large garage. Operates on ordinary household 94kV cyclotron. May cause spacetime anomalies. Write today.
Hudson Jet Impelled Speed Grinder - Sharpens everything by disabling sink. Adjustable to 10,000 RPM, depending on water pressure and shower use. See our other ad for Hudson Jet Impelled Metal Shaving Sink unclogger. *May need sharpening.