But enough about them. Citizens, when planning your summer corduroy wardrobe, consider the volume of your clothes. No, not the spatial volume. I'm talking about the acoustic volume of your clothes. The average pair of corduroy trousers, when worn by a gent in a real hurry, produces a rhythmic thrum of 95 decibels. That's like twelve thousand zippers going off all at once. That's bad for your hearing, and terrible for social interaction. Good luck with your reclaimed virginity!
But now, the Phil Are GO! Scientific Breakthroughs and Fashion Assault Squad has solved the corduroy problem. Maybe you were about to simply cut off one of your legs to silence your trousers because you're tired of being permanently deafened? Stop! Don't maim your pants just for the sake of some peace and quiet! We are proud to announce the development of Phil are GO! HushiZontal (tm) Corduroy. Please be enlightened by this specially prepared InfoGraphiGram.
Phil Are GO! HushiZontal(tm) corduroy trousers will soon be available everywhere, and you'll be stupid if you don't buy every pair you can find.
Disclaimer: Phil Are GO! HushiZontal(tm) corduroy trousers are silent in most conventional modes of personal locomotion. Phil Are GO! makes no claims of silence while marching, which requires excessively vertical leg actions. Phil Are GO! are not responsible for deafness, fires, injuries or other forms of death resulting from marching while wearing Phil Are GO! HushiZontal(tm) corduroy trousers.
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