4/15/13

Sears, Roebuck and Co. - Acme Anvils

Citizens, it is with great pride of merchandise that we are able to bring to you, our customers, this, the greatest of the anvil-maker's art. The Acme anvil, which is truly the finest we have seen in all of the world.

No longer is it a daily necessity that you somehow live under the tyranny of the knowledge that you must use an anvil made by The Hated British, merely because you desire the finest anvilling in the whole of the world. Now, anvils of the Finest Quality are made here in the United States by the good Acme Company, and we defy any Charlatan to call them inferior in any way!

There is a steel face for greater hammering, which is welded to the glorious wrought-iron body. "How is it welded to the body? By the work of Demons?" you say? No, dear customer. The extra-heavy steel face is welded to the wrought-iron body by an Electrical process that harnesses the very heavenly forces of lightning in the mighty hand of man! Never the twain shall part, under the vigor of your hardest smithying. We dare say this is tantamount to owning a solid steel anvil, which, we will remind you, can only be afforded by the richest Princes of the Distant East.

The face is tempered by a Secret Process, carried out in a veiled ritual of the Anvil Maker's art. The quality of the tempering all but assures the Anvil Customer total absence of being-too-hard-ness or being-too-soft-ness. These problems are rampant in lesser-quality anvils, and the secrets of the Acme Company have eradicated them in their process.

The face is trued by a special machine of a certain construxion whose accuracy and firmness are irreproachable in their quality of make. This machine for truing of the Acme anvils is so very special that there is none other like it in all the land. There are no hollows protuberances or concavities in the totality of the anvil face, which will magnify the greatness of the smithy that owns it.

Sears, Roebuck, and Co. now delivers to the Great Deserts of the American South-West, making available these finely-made anvils to all who dwell there. In such places Acme anvils are utilitous for the purposes of smithying, and also for counter-weighting traps and snares of all kinds, owing to the ready availability of mesas, and the great heights these afford the clever trap-maker.

Click the mouse-button for largeness.




3 comments:

Charlie said...

What hath Sears wrought?

Charlie said...

Acme, the preferred brand of Wile E. Coyote since 1948!

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

I always wondered how he paid for all the equipment he ordered.

Post a Comment