Dodge and Monkey Wards - The one stop shop for WTF.

You know how all your gearhead friends also like making their own clothes? You know how all your sister's friends were into cars? No? Well, Montgomery Wards thought they knew both of those things when they ran this ad campaign in Teen magazine in 1969. These were seven consecutive full-page ads in the same magazine. That must have cost a bit of money. "How'd that go?" you ask? As is so often the case, ask yourself if you see anyone doing the same thing any more, and there's your answer. Let's look at some groovy ads about sewing and cars!

There's some clever not-Photoshoppery going on here. See that little man next to the
Challenger? He's really staring up at the sky, and not up at the lady parts of a giant
girl. Good thing, too, because even back in '69, I think it was frowned upon to
objectify underage girls in a pervy way. *Snort* BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!
No. Only kidding. People loved it. Half of the rock songs in the early Seventies were
about basically molesting young girls in your van and then leaving town, or, as it was
known back then, "rambling". Look in your heart. You know it to be true.
A Dodge Challenger, just as the customer base wanted to view it: through the legs
of an eighteen year old girl.
Things were different in 1969. Gweneth Paltrow was twenty years old and you could
call a '69 Challenger a "sports car", when it was really only good at going
in a straight line.
What's she staring at? Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, baby.

"Super special design" is how you sold a car to a man who would stare dreamily at
a sewing machine.
Joining a space cult? The leader will approve of your his 'n' her go garbs made from
Polytime fabric. Your fashion sense shall be rewarded when the ship comes for us all
and we are bathed in the wisdom of the galactic hat-fish. Now finish your fruit drink.
"You'll stop him alright as the Challenger R/T SixPack gives a lift to sewable gals in
sew great threads." Get into his car and your parents will never hear from you again,
though parts of you may show up in films here and there.
"Avisco" and "Celanese Fortrel".  Both would play for the Rams, in later years.


Steve Miller said...

Man! my wife hates it when I use humorous colloquialisms for stores. Like "Monkey Wards," or "Rears and Sawbucks.*" Dad used to buy a lot of stuff from Wards, and I thought the name WAS Monkey Wards... when they disappeared from town, he switched allegiances to Sears. Sure, Craftsman's tool guarantee is great, but they always screwed up stuff just enough to make buying replacement parts anywhere else impossible.

*Best entry, food division: "Long Glass Slivers."

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

No such creativity in my family. We had Monkey Wards, and in later years "Meenerds" hardware (Menards). Although, my mom and grandma did that thing where you just put a possessive S on the end of every store, like it was someone's house. So, "JC Penney's", "the Jewel's", and "Searses".

Thanks, Steve!


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