Painless Dentistry - Or Hi-Fi Pelvis?

Joke#1: "Developed by a dentist in cooperation with an audio research firm, a machine produces sounds that soothe the patient and mask discomfort and awareness. One knob controls the volume of stereophonic recordings of children screaming, and the other brings in a special masking sound similar to the tearing of flesh. Other audio programs may be developed at a later date."

Joke#2: "Do you want more control? Sure. We all do. With the Flow-Motion menstrual regulator, you can dial your period back until the time is right for you. *Misuse of Flow-Motion can result in cranial hemorrhaging, esophageal hemorrhaging, oral hemorrhaging, aortal rupture, general metabolic failure, rickets, and impaired femininity."

Joke#3: "Sometimes it's just not 'dainty' to pass gas. But it is always funny. With the Private Moment III, you can share the joke with just yourself. After a quick, slightly painless outpatient procedure, the audio output from your normal everyday expulsions is discreetly sent to the headphone jack for you to enjoy. The 1/8" line out jack makes it easy to plug in a second set of headphones or to record the output for sharing. Details at whydoesntanybodytalktome.net.  Private Moment III - They won't know what they're missing!"

Joke#4: "RCA Victor has just announced an audio breakthrough. The E-Pod is a tiny personal music-device  for the enjoyment of music or other sound programmes anywhere. The main music storage device is stored in the base of a small dental chair, while the control-unit is held in the hands. One knob controls volume and the other also controls volume in case of failure of the first knob. Device holds six seconds of music or any other audio-programme material. Price has been set by RCA Victor at $12,000".

Joke #5: "By removing the nipples and placing them on a device worn outside the clothing, devout women can enjoy all the benefits of a rich, satisfying sex life without any of the sin associated with awful, disgusting nudity. God bless."


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