Brunswick Mineralite - Insanely happy about bowling.

I often find myself trying to reationalize why advertisers chose to go with illustrations instead of just using photograhps. Something something printing technology something cheaper to reproduce blah blah nope. I guess people just liked them. Brunswick liked them because no actual human can look this happy. Like, scary happy.

This guy really really really likes bowling. His eyes impossibly dilated to single molecules of insanity, he inflicts his victorius rictus on the world. Try doing that with your arms. It hurts, right? Look at his right foot in the illustration. The foreshortening done here is something I would call "ill-advised". It reads first as a club foot and a second later as the bottom of a normal foot. Was there photo reference? Maybe, but it kind of looks like it was drawn out of thin air. Who would make this pose naturally? Only the love of a fine bowling ball could drive a man to this extreme. That must be some ball.

Here's the same man as a boy. Clearly, he's felt the same way about Brunswick bowling balls for a long time. There were days when he wouldn't even eat, chossing only to lie on the couch, caressing his Brunwick and, when mother wasn't in the room, slipping a thumb into the finger hole. So deliciously wrong, and so right.

Mother didn't feel the same about bowling as father and brother did.

"Where'd the ball go, mommy?" "Te hell, darling. Baby Jesus knows that bowling is Satan's game. That's why we need the protection of Doogie Howser, patron saint of bowling, to protect us. He's here right now is you believe hard enough."
"'It's streamlined, strikingly modern, beautiful and functional,' Says Catherine Fellmeth of the Brunswick Centennial Ball return." Apparently she's "of the ball return" in the same way that I'm "of Chicago". She seems so impressed with Brunswick, she's chosen to live in the ball return. That's commitment.

Ha ha! Kooky old "Special" Ron. he's always getting into trouble. "No!" his ethnic friends shout. "That not a bowling ball! That bowling pin! You all backwards! That why we lose!" It's like this every league night!

"Ya see, the Brunswick masking unit promotes concentration. You gotta get up close to really see how it's put together..." Grandpa look out! Noooooooo! The Mineralite ball shoots so straight and true, Grandpa never had a chance.


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