Motel Executive - Casual sexism! Here's how!

While enjoying a fossilized copy of Mechanix Illustrated, I came across these two ads, only a few pages from each other. Both can be filed under WTF for casual womanizing. Let's indulge...

"Be a high-paid hotel executive". That seems likely enough. Hotels are sometimes exciting, cosmopolitan places where romance and intrigue are always... wait. MO-tel executive? A motel is way different than a hotel. A hotel stands a chance of being a place of luxury and glamor. A motel is a place where tired vacationers lay their heads on their way to see the grand canyon, stopping briefly to see the world's largest shoehorn. That's if you're lucky. Become a motel "executive" and you're likely as not to be answering calls at two A.M.from an irritated senator to come fix the Magic Fingers bed.

Well, I suppose it could technically be true that they are "high-paid". "High" is a subjective term, or more probably a relative term. A motel executive's income could be described as "high" so long as you compare it to the right thing, like maybe a very talented fish, for example. Regardless of how gifted a fish may be, he or she is unlikely to be compensated for his or her time in the form of human money. It's much more likely that the fish would be rewarded with, umm, worms perhaps. Or that stinky flaky stuff that looks like cellophane confetti. What's it called? TetraFin? A motel "executive" would look like a pharaoh compared to some idiot fish who can spell "hello" in three languages. In that regard, the ad could be completely true.

They want to put me in that picture. Anywhere? Climbing the tree? That sounds pretty fun. Mowing the lawn? Less fun.I'm going to assume they mean to make me the happy guy ignoring the babe in the swimsuit. I don't want to be the swimsuit babe, but maybe that's part of the promise offered by the American Motel School. It's likely that the woman is a guest of the motel, but it's vaguely implied that the happy man has the option of having sex with the woman. This is kind of disturbing. Are we to assume that women who check in to motels by themselves are loose, or that swimsuit women have a thing for motel "executives" who kind of look like Kevin Spacey? Is sleeping with motel guests covered in the Motel Executive training? "Now, lots of dames that go to motels are what you call 'floozies', so you may want to try to get in bed with them in the middle of the night using your master key, also known as the 'sexy 'key', because of all the sex you can have." This seems unethical.

Much more probable is the idea that the motel executive is high while simultaneously being paid for working at the motel. Motels are a favorite location in TV dramas for scenes involving crack deals and stuff like that, so it's only natural that the executive runs a risk of becoming dependent on illegal substances. If I were a motel executive, I would either need to be paid very well, or to be psychologically impaired with the help of illicit drugs, what with all the de-crusting of bed sheets I would have to supervise as part of my daily duties.

Dap is good for sealing windows... maybe even better than putty. This is harmless enough. Then it gets weird. They just stuck in a pair of eyes at the bottom. They have nothing to do with the product or ad copy. They're just tacked onto the bottom of the ad in hopes of getting attention. Maybe we're supposed to believe that the woman is telling us about Dap glazing compound? Maybe we are to believe that we can have sex with those eyes if we fix our windows with the right glazing compound? Why do the eyes care so much about window maintenance? If the eyes are really into proper window care, I bet that, underneath the eyes you'll find a beard and a plaid shirt. No way am I going to make sex with those eyes, or their beard. Screw you, Dap. I'm fixing my windows with silly putty.