American Cyanamid Company - so THAT'S what an ACC file is!

Joke #1 - "Now, some other brands require you to take a pill with every meal, but Aureomycin is so effective, you can just take one with breakfast, okay? That should be plenty to keep that communism from coming back. Now, how have your elbows been doing?"

Joke #2 - "I'm going to prescribe you something I just heard about last week. Try not to tell your family about it and let's not talk about it over the phone. Just meet me behind the 7-11 if you want some more. This shit will blow your fucking mind, Mrs. Barton."

Joke #3 - "All righty, I'm going to prescribe you a light antacid and a mild antibiotic... (sniff), which shouldn't have any adverse interaction with the ...(whew) the migraine medication. Run this over to the pharmacy and... (ugh) and they should be able to... (cough!). Mrs. Barton, if you can't stop doing that I'll have to open a window."

Joke #4 - "I'm sorry, Mrs. Barton, I can't prescribe any medication that will make your husband 'be into butt sex'. You're going to have to go ask your priest for advice or something."

Joke #5 - "Really? 'Multiple Allergic Reaction Syndrome'? All right, Mrs. Barton, I'm prescribing a funny cartoon I just drew, in which you are leaving my office and promising not to waste my time with bogus made-up bull crap to account for your psychosomatic nonsense. On your way out, please remind the receptionist to charge you a full hour for the fifteen minutes of my time you've just wasted."

Joke #6 - "Okay, that's 75 milligrams of Aureomycin twice daily for the 'whoopsie' on your 'you know'. It shouldn't  have any interaction with the Marzinex for your 'thingy' or the Xanophol for the 'icky' in your 'virginia'. You know what? Let's just go ahead and prescribe you frikkin EVERYTHING, you filthy skank."

Joke #7 - "I'm going to recommend you take one Aureomycin with food in the morning. That should have you right as rain in ten days or so. I want to see you again on the 12th to check your progress. On your way out, the receptionist can give you some samples to use until your prescription can be filled. Also, I'm going to ask you to try and sleep with fewer men who aren't your husband, at least for a few weeks."