Kooking Kornir 2

When occasion calls for something lighter, we always find that our Pork Chop Pinwheel fills the bill without slowing down the apres-meal shuffleboard tournament! Each chop is simmered in bacon for one hour prior to baking in duck fat. Then, they're arranged in our patented fun pinwheel dish, dolloped with pancake batter and served with a glass of gravy. Fruit is vinyl and only for decoration. Summer cuisine the modern way!

When serving raw ham, allow your guests a bit of the exotic by serving the meat with pineapple parasites attached. Be careful not to let the roasting temperature rise above 95 degrees or they'll die and fall off. The flavor is freshest if the parasites are alive when the entree is served. Your guests will wonder what planet they've been whisked off to! Instead of telling them, why not just seal the airlock and let them guess?

Thanksgiving siege, day eleven. The Jell-o's had made bivouac next to the salmon sauce two days ago. The gravy reservoir provided cover from random fire from the fruit arrangement. Supplies were running low, and it was do or die time. Dawn would come in three hours, and the Jell-o's would try to make it past the bacon sheaths and finaly take turkey hill. The whole western half of the table was counting on it.

Sure, everyone loves to see the party table with a horta beast at the center, but hortas can be insolent before the first cut is made. To keep them cowed, try lining the walls of the consumption chamber with the various tins and molds you COULD have forced it into, if you felt like it. A strong show of power should keep your horta intimidated until meal time.


Anonymous said...

If I hadn't already been in love with your blog, the horta joke would have sealed the deal. Excellent post.

Phil Are Go! said...

Wow, thanks Nanny Mouse! That's pretty high praise. Thanks for reading and commenting! If you like the blog, maybe tell a friend or two about it. It won't make me any money, but I've become a bit of a pageview whore, sad to say. Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I posted a link on my Facebook. I'd be interested to know if you get more pageviews. ;)

Phil Are Go! said...

Hey, thanks, Mouse! That's all we can ask. Oh, hey. Our rankings in the Blogger Top One Hundred would really be helped if you could write some music about P.A.G., like maybe an opera? I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it doesn't have to be anything too grand, like Verdi. It can just be like one of the lighter Italian ones, like Rossini. Please submit an early version in a highly compressed mono mp3 in the form of a ring tone formatted to work on a first generation Nokia. We don't want you to go to too much trouble before the full orchestration.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Somebody round the office has a plastic viking hat if that would help keep production costs down.

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