Peter Pan Hidden Treasure Bra - Not that hidden.

It must be hard to sell articles of a delicate nature to women. It seems that advertisers are afraid of saying anything directly, favoring words like "contour" and "fresh". Instead, to really move product, apparently it's preferable to simply portray women enjoying all the freedom they will have using (insert dainty woman product name here).

Just imagine: You're a woman, and your bra is so flattering and comfortable that you can have a phone conversation! "Impossible", you say? Shut up! Peter Pan says "yes", whoever that is! I guess they used to make bras or something. It's strange that a women's underwear company chose a male character for their name. Well actually, every major Peter Pan role has been in the hands of a woman: Mary Martin, Julie Andrews, Burgess Meredith...

Consider the following: to sell bread, you show a boy enjoying a PBJ sammich. To sell trucks, you show an unshaven dude dragging logs around an empty lot in his truck. To sell tampons, you show women playing racquetball or performing limb reattachment surgery. To sell the Hidden Treasure bra, you show a woman talking on the phone... presumably interrupted while practicing the trombone.

This bra is called "Hidden Treasure", which is an odd sort of name, considering a bra's job is to carefully arrange and present the boobs for public appreciation. If you wanted to hide the treasures, you could easily mash them down against the ribcage with a two dollar roll of coach tape. That would hide them much better than pushing them into fabric cones for the admiration of all. Still, compared to other brassieres of the fifties, the Hidden Treasure is pretty modest. The fifties were known for improbably shaped bras of such conical mathematical perfection that you could easily use one to split a diamond.

But what of the poor girl stuck with the "brand x" boulder holder? She had to sit out the next decade or four, waiting for her chance to play Welsey Crusher on Star Trek. So regrettable.

"If your bra looks like this you are Will Wheaton."

Hmm. Second Trek reference in a week. What gives? It's probably because BBC America has been running TNG reruns on Monday nights instead of Top Gear. Dragged the show back to the front of the old brain, I guess.


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