Little Ads - New garage sale fodder.

The Seventies have been walking around like they own the place again. Time to take them down a peg. AGAIN. Honestly, I don't know of a decade with a less justified opinion of itself. I wish we could just take it round back and shoot it. But then, we wouldn't have The Seventies to kick around any more. Start kicking.

Hello? Colonial Studios? I'd like a refund for my Instant Action Flame Gun. Just send the check to 258 Smoking Crater, Chicago, IL. If the street's blocked off, you can just hand the envelope to one of the ambulance drivers. They'll get it to me when my arms grow back. Thank you.

Tired of waving your feet in the air while you watch TV? Put the Trim Bike underneath your feet for an apparently functional workout. All your muscles are toned as you carry the Trim Bike out to the trash, or for an even better workout, to the recycling center across town.

U.S. report says 90% of tap water (in developing nations' toilets) is inferior or potentially harmful. New purifier unit scientifically removes chlorine, bacteria, bad taste, rust. Science refill cartridges available at extra cost. No maintenance or installation. Simply leave unopened product on porch and water becomes clean, using scientificness.


Craig said...

"Burn leaves out of gutters"?!?

As if I wasn't perpetually in danger of burning the house down before.

Phil Are Go! said...

I know! It seems crazy and irresponsible to sell these for household use. I want one, though, for the ice and snow thing.


Phil Jr. said...

RE: Flame Gun
I found another ad (see below) that ran a year later, at $3 less!
Did you notice the company name? 'A division of Bevis Industries'
"Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh... yah!... fire!... FIRE!"

Phil Are Go! said...

Well found, Phil! My hat's off to you, and on fire!

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