Kooking Kornir - Chicken in aspic.

Everyone here at P.A.G. kitchens knows how tiring it can be to eat all the time. What with the driving to the store, walking into the store, staring at the shelves, lifting the food, pushing the food to the checkout, driving home, preparing the food... After all that trouble, who can muster the will to actually chew and swallow?  If your family is like mine, it's enough to make you want to die three times!

Instead of dying any times, why not have a nap and try our self-swallowing chicken in aspic? By the time you wake up, dinner will be inside your belly. It's a member of the food group "goop group" and it's slurp-riffic!
Preparing the Aspic

Begin by pouring seventy-five boxes of gelatin into a recently cleaned bathtub. Add two gallons of really hot water and stir until the gelatin is dissolved, or pulling the spatula free is a struggle. Stir in forty-eight 12 ounce cans of undiluted consomme'.

Bird Bath

Dip six chicken breasts in the aspic with an engine winch. You may want to put the winch through your dishwasher first, to avoid getting any transmissions or differentials in your meat gelatin. Eew!
Extract the breasts and place them on a cookie sheet inside the refrigerator to partially set the aspic. Remove, re-dip, and re-set the aspic until the chicken breasts are approximately twice their original diameter. You may want to procure some poultry calipers to help you measure the "chicken girth" along their road to roundness. Once you start dipping, it can be hard to remember what the chicken breasts used to look like!

"When do I stop?" you say? Well, everyone knows that you can't have too much aspic, but here's a tip: try to get the light bouncing off the aspic as seen in our recipe photo above. When the reflections get really big and blobby like that, you're about halfway there. See, as the aspic gets thicker and thicker and thicker and thicker and thicker, the detail of the chicken's texture gets more and more vague, until eventually you have six yummy viscous meat nodules.

Eating Advice

If your throat has the proper diameter, you can just insert a chicken breast in your mouth and let gravity do the rest. But if you're a regular-sized person, you'll need to cut into smaller pieces with a spoon or possibly a knife. Sure that sounds like work, but after that little bit of effort, you can just let the morsels slide down your throat. In fact, they may gather so much speed on the way that you may feel them hit bottom with a satisfying "kerplunk"! That's the magic of aspic! Opa!


Sue said...

I think you just came up with the most affective eating deterrent for anyone needing to watch their weight.
Might I recommend a P.A.G. cookbook as a fund raiser for the summer trip to Great America... recipes, photos and descriptions of foods to help cut cravings by giving you a constant gag reflex!

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Hmm. A cook book you say. You got moxie, kid. I'll see your gag-funded theme park trip and raise you a meat aspic meal DURING a roller coaster ride. Just watch the pounds fly out your mouth! Our school uniform for the day shall be TrimJeans. http://phil-are-go.blogspot.com/2011/05/trim-jeans-watch-your-dignity-melt-away.html

Thanks Sue!


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