Now is the future of today! - Inventions required for complete living.

Mechanical hunter is powered by one-cylinder motor, concealed by hanging over shoulder of automaton. Runs on hunter fuel. Allows hunting the scwewiest of wabbits by wemote contwol. Acme corp.

Car window locks prevent child from escaping vehicle. Simple mechanism operable from front seat. Tested in Lockheed Constellation airliner. Probably works in cars too. May be ineffective for children over age of 6 mos., or older children with slightest mechanical aptitude, chimpanzees, parrots, or vaguely clever crows.

Taping shopping list to purse eliminates need for pocket, pointing hand at face. May result in strangers discovering dependency on embarrassing products. Not for use with purse grease.

Child's cryptex trains young minds to solve theological conspiracies and to appear in two novels of nearly identical plot, theme, and characters. Easily made from discarded spool and cardboard. May be instantly boring to children over age of five, or crows.

Stove guard prevents child from cooking, surprising parents with ill-advised meals like spaghetti and gumballs, figs benedict, and lobster thermidor.