Multifilter - Stinking up the great outdoors.

"Aaaah. Smell that? That's Nature. That's why I became a tobaccoman. I love the outdoors and fresh, clean air. Y' know, spending all day out in nature like this makes a man a man. And, a man leads with his groin. Let me explain."
"Out here in Nature, a man's got room to spread out. Air out the crotchular region, you know? My junk can't live in a cage like some 'modern men'. Nope. Not me. Not my junk. See this here tobacco corral? I built it with my own two hands. I spent weeks squatting, sawing, re-squatting, hammering, and squatting. Now I can hitch my leg up on it anywhere I want and spread out my thighs, showing the world what God gave me. Lets me kinda... open my legs and think clearer, ya know? Feels like I'm hugging the world with my upper thighs and lower abdomen."

"Multifilter understands. Y'see, when I'm drivin' a herd of tobacco, I don't want my flavor all mucked up with tar. Nope. Not me. I need that stuff filtered out, and nothing but acetate fibers will do. And Multifilter only uses the finest acetate fibers, grown right here in the U S of A, harvested at the peak of freshness. Those dew-picked acetate fibers make Multifilters multi-filtered. It's like inhaling the wind, and you can't get that any other way, and that's a promise. It's like a fresh summer breeze blowing between, around, and through my various portions down below."

"Maybe when you're ready, you'll spread your manly thighs and hitch a leg up on my fence? Come breathe with me. I'll be here, swingin' in the breeze, with Multifilter."

Stinkin' up the Great Outdoors.


Anonymous said...

From now on I shall refer to the little fenced-in smoking areas at the zoo as the "tobacco corrals."

Craig F. said...

I just can't understand why a brand with an engaging name like "Multifilter" didn't catch on.

It's just like the toaster with the name "BreadHardener." I mean, what is there to get, people?

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Considering all the other features of the product, they could have done worse than "multifilter". But yes, not very snappy. When I started typing the post, I had to look several times at the ad to be sure the name was "multifilter". I'd never heard of it and couldn't believe that was the name of the product.

Thanks, Craigf! Nice article in the paper last weekend!


FIL said...

I am a textbook example of what militant adherence to hitching and squatting can do for a man's region. Its like a water balloon hanging from the kitchen faucet down there.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

You're helping the great outdoors with your strict regimen of groinal aeration. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!


FIL said...

Groinal Aeration is the name of my new band.

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