Three groovy offers - Thanks, The Seventies!

Our drunken idiot friend The Seventies is back with some wonderful consumer products for us. Thanks The Seventies, for always being both tasteful and well-reasoned! Let's see what you have for us today!
Hey, it's the driveway flame thrower! I remember that from our last post about it. The price has gone up a bit, which is odd, because both ads are from 1971. However, this ad is in color. Models in Abba boots don't work for free you know. The other ad just has a line drawing, and everyone knows artists will work for free if you promise not to shove them into a locker.

I have to admit, I'd like to have one of these flame throwers to keep the P.A.G. plaza clear in winter. I'm sure they're illegal now, right? Google doesn't show any current availability of such an item except for this British Ebay posting. The "buy it now" price is 144 L's, whatever those are.

To show us how easy and possibly safe it is, they show us that pretty Greta can use it while wearing a skirt. Here, she's melting some pesky gravel in her photo studio. "I don't know who keeps bringing it in here and arranging it in a neat path!" she sighs. No matter. Just melt it into liquid hot mag-ma! We in The Future can't have it. The Seventies is such a tease!

The Seventies knows fashion! In 1971, Hush Puppies were the shit. See? An ordinary middle aged sex worker can afford one in each color. The brown suede ones- he has the left AND the right one. That's some life you've got there, Prosperous Male Prostitute (or Steve Carell's dad).
 Last night he wore the patriotic bowling shoe to play squash with a client. Delightfully scandalous! The Seventies knows how to show a lady a good time!

Wow! such sexy language to sell a vinyl envelope of mineral oil and metal dust. If I had one of these, I'd spend hours staring into the depths of it's "exotic red material", waiting for it to stop being so blue. You know what? The blue is in your mind, man! The Seventies knows how to tune in and drop out.

Thanks, The Seventies! Time for your nap.


Fil said...

I never realized Paul Lynde wore Hush Puppies.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Aww, jeez. How could I not make the Paul Lynde connection. Man, that guy was all over TV in the Seventies. Always the middle square on Hollywood Squares.

Thanks, my jokey doppelganger!


Jim Dillon said...


I am excited!

Plus: Panama!

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Wow! I can't believe they can sell a flame thrower to just anyone with an address and a credit card, but there don't seem to be any "sold only to such and such" warning on the page. Knowing this, I'm surprised the world hasn't burned down already.

That's some good Googling, Jim! Thanks! Whatever they're paying you, they should double it!


xritl said...

Amazon has a number of similar items:


Anonymous said...

Can you give me more informations of "touch me" object ? Sorry for the writing, I'm not american. Thank you

Post a Comment