Murine & Vitalis - Before and after.

I hope you're sitting down, dear readers. Or at least, I hope you're leaning against a load-bearing wall. Brace yourselves. STANDARDS OF BEAUTY CHANGE OVER TIME! I know. It makes you want to run straight off and punch an old person, but don't do that. You need to at least wait till he or she complains that all cars look alike nowadays.
Vitalis was The Shit in the fifties. The Wet Look was in. The trick was to get the wet look without putting slime in your hair. Now, I've never tried Vitalis, but I'm curious what the stuff feels like. By the time I was aware that hair could look bad, there were already loads of space-waxes available in ten ounce tubes at the store. Vitalis was already "dad stuff" when I hit the hair product scene.

Anyway, see the guy in the top picture? Look at his hair. What a loser. His hair won't be cool for forty years. If he were in the year 2000, the marlin would be all over him, wanting his caviar, or whatever. But here in 1957, he's so square, he has to wrestle that marlin onto the boat. He's trying to give the fish's nose a hand job and the fish only wants to stab him in the brain. Poor jerk can't even get any play from a fish. If he had Vitalis in his hair, he could be giving a woman's nose a hand job on his boat!

See? In the bottom picture, he's all Vitalised up, and an actual human woman is presenting her nose for some serious hand jobbing. He's just about to begin the nasal handy as the shutter clicked. Jump to 2000 again, and she'd be pepperspraying his nose-holes, what with that grampa hair he's got.

Okay, shuttle back to 1941 for this Murine ad. before we had right-wing true believer Ben Stein to show us what eyes should look like, we had to settle for women's eyes, as seen in this Murine ad.

It's another before/after good/bad comparison. Trouble is, I don't see the problem with the top set of eyes. Now, to be fair, I don't think this is a generational thing. It's not like a man in 1941 would look at them and go "eew". I think it's just a lame choice of pictures. Those eyes could look a lot worse.

The bottom set of eyes say "Don't you think it's about time you clean up your room?" Those could be your mom's eyes, which is fine, of course. However, the top eyes don't look like mom eyes. The top eyes say "How about we mess up your room?".

Messy, please! Hold the Murine.

Click for a big handy.

Click for big bedroom eyes.

UPDATE: Other erotic 'jobs that sound better than they are.

-Ear toejob
-Testicle kneejob
-Framing hammer spinejob
-Ear, nose, and throat job
-Carrot Top job


Jim Dillon said...

I'm so glad Friday is here! Brylcreem & a nasal handjob for somebody special are in my immediate future. I have a feeling this is going to be a weekend I never forget.

Steve Miller said...

What the Hell is that... FISH? Did it put that dent in his head? We wouldn't have noticed his unfortunate deformity, save for his attempt at good grooming.

BTW, all cars today DO look alike.

OW! that hurt!

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

How DARE you, Miller! I used to go round and round with my dad on this one. I maintained that it's relative. I told him that all the cars he liked in the 30's and 40's look the same to me. They all look like a carton of eggs. All humps and french curves. I can't tell a '32 Ford from a Desoto.

I'll grant that SOME cars today look the same. This is probably the truth of any era. He could probably teach me to tell those old cars apart, especially if I spent a few years surrounded by them.

MrsBug said...

You forgot the last entry in your list:


Anonymous said...

Something about "Murine" never sat very well with me- I think it's the subconscious part of anything relating to "urine" for your eyes. It's kind of like "Mexcrement" or "Mvomit" or even "Mphlegm".

Is it me?

Then again, I may possibly be aroused by the aforementioned "screamjob"

Anonymous 2

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Anonymous 2, that is TOTALLY not just you. I have a serious problem with the word "urine" making up the lion's share of your product's name. I know there's no urine in it, but I want to punish the manufacturer for being so stupid. I vote with my feet and march right over to Visine and grab that.

Thanks for reading!


PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Dear Anonymous 2,

I know you don't make Murine. When, in my previous comment, I said "your product's name", I should have said "a product's name". I hope my remarks did not reflect poorly on any products you actually do manufacture, if you do. I am confident that any products made by Anonymous2 & Co. are completely urine free, as well as excrement free, vomit free, and phlegm free... except possibly for Phlegmitol. If I ever buy that stuff, I think I know what I'm getting.

Thank you for your understanding.


Thor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Mysterious behavior from Thor, with the comment removal. Thor, don't deny the world your comments. The world is hungry for comments. Comment!

Thor said...

Sorry, it was late, I was tired....
It went somthing like this:

Deep Sea Fisherman Bill Flick -
Man with hair problem, Likes to wrestle fish...
Same man with Vitalis- Wants ta slap yo' mama.

I know, you would have deleted it too..


Thor said...

P.S. - I wouldn't mind a "Screamjob" either.....

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