Murine & Vitalis - Before and after.

I hope you're sitting down, dear readers. Or at least, I hope you're leaning against a load-bearing wall. Brace yourselves. STANDARDS OF BEAUTY CHANGE OVER TIME! I know. It makes you want to run straight off and punch an old person, but don't do that. You need to at least wait till he or she complains that all cars look alike nowadays.

Vitalis was The Shit in the fifties. The Wet Look was in. The trick was to get the wet look without putting slime in your hair. Now, I've never tried Vitalis, but I'm curious what the stuff feels like. By the time I was aware that hair could look bad, there were already loads of space-waxes available in ten ounce tubes at the store. Vitalis was already "dad stuff" when I hit the hair product scene.

Anyway, see the guy in the top picture? Look at his hair. What a loser. His hair won't be cool for forty years. If he were in the year 2000, the marlin would be all over him, wanting his caviar, or whatever. But here in 1957, he's so square, he has to wrestle that marlin onto the boat. He's trying to give the fish's nose a hand job and the fish only wants to stab him in the brain. Poor jerk can't even get any play from a fish. If he had Vitalis in his hair, he could be giving a woman's nose a hand job on his boat!

See? In the bottom picture, he's all Vitalised up, and an actual human woman is presenting her nose for some serious hand jobbing. He's just about to begin the nasal handy as the shutter clicked. Jump to 2000 again, and she'd be pepperspraying his nose-holes, what with that grampa hair he's got.

Okay, shuttle back to 1941 for this Murine ad. before we had right-wing true believer Ben Stein to show us what eyes should look like, we had to settle for women's eyes, as seen in this Murine ad.

It's another before/after good/bad comparison. Trouble is, I don't see the problem with the top set of eyes. Now, to be fair, I don't think this is a generational thing. It's not like a man in 1941 would look at them and go "eew". I think it's just a lame choice of pictures. Those eyes could look a lot worse.

The bottom set of eyes say "Don't you think it's about time you clean up your room?" Those could be your mom's eyes, which is fine, of course. However, the top eyes don't look like mom eyes. The top eyes say "How about we mess up your room?".

Messy, please! Hold the Murine.

Click for a big handy.

Click for big bedroom eyes.

UPDATE: Other erotic 'jobs that sound better than they are.

-Ear toejob

-Hairjob

-Testicle kneejob

-Nostriljob

-Framing hammer spinejob

-Nervejob

-Ear, nose, and throat job

-Brainjob

-Trainjob

-Phlegmjob

-Screamjob

-Carrot Top job