Look What's New In Brick!

Hey do-it-yourselfers, what's the newest in brick? NOT brick! That's what! All over America, homeowners are covering their walls with exciting new products that closely resemble brick. These products aren't made from stone at all, but vinyl, cardboard, or other completely safe, fire-resistant material that is guaranteed to please for decade to come! Let's stare!
Simulated brick panels bring the classic American look of brick indoors at a fraction of the cost in a fraction of the time, with a fraction of the thought. Best of all, nobody can tell! Here, a homeowner with no special skills or bubble level is using simulated brick to cover an ugly "baby stain" on his living room wall. You can be just as ignorant and get professional results with simulated brick! Simulated brick can be easily bent and formed with a bar heater, so it can neatly  go around corners, over windows, or cold air returns. There's almost nothing you can't do in a quick, barely-considered afternoon!
Simulated brick is available in a full range of decorator colors to match your every home. From cartoon red to cartoon white to cartoon blue, your simulated brick house will scare off the huffingest, puffingest of big bad wolves! Unless he has a match. But wolves don't use matches, so shut up!

Simulated Brick is made from many materials, like fiberboard, asbestos, or other substances that will almost never become an airborne particulate  respiratory hazard, because they'll look great forever and ever and you'll never tear it down. Who would tear down beautiful brick? Never! That's who!

Once your house has gorgeous and undetectable simulated brick in it, you'll have all kinds of gorgeous and undetectable ideas.
For example, this homeowner has chosen to bring the outdoors indoors by placing these folding lawn chairs in their living room. The couch and television had to go someplace else to make room for their new fireplace and chairs, but there was plenty of room in the garden for those. Their new simulated brick fireplace is only rated to display a photograph of fire, due to some minor fire code violations, but laws can change. Let's get voting, people!

Simulated brick is recommended by the American Fiberboard and Compressed Wasteproducts Council as a beautiful alternative to reading a book.


MrsBug said...

Simul-brick is like the Soylent Green of interior decorations.

Anonymous said...

The fire photograph is so lifelike that the extra, decorative logs are obviously trying to climb up the hearth and into the "fire."

Ermott said...

Now, with more asbestos for greater fire tolerance.

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