This time, the offender is Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, presenting this kit to an unsuspecting public. Properly unpacked, mixed, rolled out and baked, it made a pizza that looked like the surface of a burn victim. It was pretty much a dough disc with a smear of sauce and a light dusting of cheese. Hold me back.
Every city has strong opinions about pizza. I imagine that most cities wish that Chicago would please shut the hell up about our pizza. I know Chicago is supposedly the deep dish pizza center of the world (and that's my preference) but everybody I know will eat thin crust too. There are plenty of good thin crust pizza places in Chicago. Every city I've been to has had really good pizza. It's not hard to make... for us here in The Future. Apparently in '58, they were still trying to crack the code.
This feeble offering from Chef Boy-Ar-Dee could go nine rounds with Appian Way in the battle of who could make the most wretched pizza. In later years, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee would go on to market greater crimes against humanity, but this ad comes to us from the early years of their pizza hate crimes. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. Let us never forget.
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9 comments:
Best Chicago thin crust? best Chicago deep dish? I am willing to personally conduct taste tests to confirm or reject your contentions. Numerous taste tests. Numerous, I say...
Hmm. Well, it's hard to go wrong with pizza in Chicago. The environment is such that natural selection tends to kill crappy pizza pretty quickly here. As for deep dish, Uno's Lou Malnati's Connie's and Giordano's are all equally wonderful if you ask me.
The only thing to watch out for is, if you go to Lou Malnati's and you ask for sausage on your deep dish, they sometimes install a solid disc of sausage about a half inch thick, the diameter of the entire pizza. Some people find this a little too heavy-handed. I find it gross. Be sure to ask for sausage pieces, not a contiguous sausage strata with layers of little sausage dinosaur bones in it, unless that's what you're into.
When I'm having pizza, I usually go for the deep dish. As for thin crust, the only one I'm kind of familiar with is Robey Pizza Company, and I think they were just bought out, maybe defunct?
Let us know how you enjoy the pizza. Two slices of deep dish is all I can manage these days. Three is I'm foolish.
[-Mgmt.]
"Not available in Canada" -- The good chef must have realized that our neighbors to the north are not gullible enough to buy this junk.
Natural selection does not explain Aurelio's...
Oof! I forgot about Aurelio's! Man, there was an Aurelio's across the street from my work for six years, and in that time I think I ate there voluntarily three times. That is some crap pizza. Thanks for reminding me, Steve!
[-Mgmt.]
Those of us who live outside the "Windy City" (which you must hate hearing as much as I hate Boston being called "Beantown"):
Deep dish pizza isn't really "pizza." It's more like a meat/cheese/sauce casserole baked in a dish you can eat. I've found that if I think about it that way, I don't compare it to any other pizza at all, and I enjoy it a lot more.
You're absolutely right. Pizza is a thing you could possibly eat while walking, and deep dish is clearly not that. I just think of it as food, and food that needs to get in my mouth as fast as possible.
Thanks for commenting, Craigf!
[-Mgmt.]
OMG, this reminds me of my grandmother. We'd go up to their house on the lake when I was a wee one (late 70s early 8s) and she'd pull out this magic box of pizza and add in her own toppings. My grandmother was an amazing cook, so why she would stoop to the Chef is beyond me. But, wow, does this bring back memories. I almost forgot this type of thing existed.
The thing that cracks me up is that it saves no steps. It just puts all the steps in one box.
I bet the yeast in that packet is as active as a Mitt Romney cocktail party.
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