Kooking Kornir - Sucker dome.

Delicious humans! Prepare to eviscerate your family's appetite with my specially prepared sucker dome or die!!! Your larvae will wipe their pincers with delight! Initiate pincer wiping! RECIPE BEGINS!!!

You will require approximately 200 suckers for my sucker dome! I have found that all creatures found in Space have suckers, but they are most easily obtained from space rabbits, whose tentacles are over forty Earth-feet long and whose breath weapon is an unpleasant toxic gas! Beware! They have over twenty hit dice!  Seek them in their subterranean lairs from orbit, in your favorite gunship. Strafe them with projectile weapons to slow them down, but if you finish them with energy-based attacks, the heat will save you time in the kitchen by beginning the cooking process even before you land your ship! We all know how valuable time is when you're a busy mother! Agree or be destroyed!

Collect the space rabbit suckers before they can regain consciousness and slow your retreat with their psionic attacks! If your skull is like mine, it is cartilaginous, leaving you prone to mental assault! Just you wait, space rabbits! Soon we will have specially shielded helmets, when our civilization has adequately researched the technology of theta wave interference meshes! Just you wait! At such a a time, we will gank the crap out of your subterranean lairs!

Anyway! Deposit the suckers in a cake vessel! If you do not have a cake vessel, simply secure a sheet pan and bend it around your head - or, if you're thinking very clearly - around someone else's head, perhaps in insolent officer! Or, just use a standard issue bucket, if you must be boring! This should provide you an appropriate cake vessel! Arrange the suckers on the walls of the bucket / cake vessel! If your gunship's weapons have not charred them too badly, they should still be moist enough to stick to the walls of their own volition! Failing this, you may use honey! Delicious either way!

Once your cake vessel / bucket is lined with suckers, pour in a standard almond cake mix, such as can be acquired at any properly stocked spaceport. If you are pressed for time, simply dock your ship at the spaceport and stride out the airlock screaming "I REQUIRE ALMOND CAKE MIX OR BE DESTROYED!" Consider firing your sidearm randomly in all directions for added urgency! Security forces should bring you cake mix in short order! Be sure they have brought you almond cake mix. If not, try shouting "CHOCOLATE!?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?!? I'M ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE, PATHETIC CREATURES!!! ALMOND CAKE MIX OR BE DESTROYED!!!! You may then devour the chief of security to make an example of him! Almond cake mix secured, disengage your ship from the spaceport - or don't, if you're in a hurry - and retreat to a safe orbit! You can jettison the spaceport lock ring assembly, debris, bulkhead fragments, bodies, and extraneous security personnel on the way to save time! Prepare the cake mix and pour it in the cake vessel!

Place the cake vessel in a preheated oven set to 6300 degrees for six seconds! Try not to overbake! Remove and place in a crucible to cool for twenty-four Earth-hours! Try not to burn yourself! For safety, destroy any personnel who come near the kitchen during the cooling process! When cool, invert the cake vessel and shake out the sucker dome! If it sticks, try shouting!

Now is the time to summon your family for the consuming of sucker dome! CONSUME! RECIPE ENDS!


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