Camels, for Digestion's sake - The wisdom of the ancients.

Medical news update now, from our 1936 bureau! For digestion's sake, please, for the love of God, SMOKE CAMELS! Why aren't you buying some right now? You may not be digesting! Go smoke as many Camels as possible! HURRY!

Advertising has always used logic in the same way a child plays with mommy's makeup. The result is an adorable parody of the real thing. And when done really well, it can startle you.

In today's ad, R. J. Reynolds Tobacco advises us  that smoking Camels aids your digestion, which was a huge problem in the crazy go-go-go world of 1936. Their bullet proof reasoning is that, when you're tense, "digestion slows up". Since cigarettes have nicotine, they will calm you down - especially if you're already an addict and you get withdrawal jitters if you go too long without smoking. Camels equals relaxed equals better digestion. Case closed.

Please forget the fact that anything that relaxes you will have the same effect. Petting a puppy, or reading Charlie Brown, for example. In fact, if you're a certain kind of person, murdering people or beating your wife could help you relax, and thereby help your digestion, by the same reasoning. "For digestion's sake... punch your wife through the china cabinet."


Also, Camels apparently have a "delicate fragrance". This could very well be true if you compare a whiff of Camel smoke to the fragrance of a burning hobo. See? It's all in how you think about it. You're welcome.

For those of you worrying that you weren't allowed to become a chain smoker, RJR is here to reassure us that you totally can. In fact, you may want to use the butt of one Camel to light your next Camel. Or, have your child get a new Camel ready for you while you're finishing a nice refreshing Camel, so your food doesn't stop digesting for even one second. There's no reason enjoying Camels - and digesting! - can't be a family activity.

Oh! Mrs. Hal Lee is pictured in a kitchen? Thanks for clarifying, RJR. Judging by those doors behind her, I thought she was baking a cake in a morgue. What? No cake recipe utilizing mild, healthful Camels? Missed opportunity. At least they reminded us of the five career opportunities for the woman of 1936: talking on the phone, answering the door, housework, planning (dinner for her husband), and smoking Camels, of course.

Kelly Petillo smokes Camels while racing? Noooo, but if only he could! he has to wait till he's won before he can enjoy his next Camel, because, as any driver will tell you,  only good digestion wins races. Maybe Kelly wouldn't worry about food so much if his car weren't shaped like a hot dog.

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