Duck Feed.

The Phil Are GO! staff is recovering from a micro-pandemic of several types of flu, ranging from "stomach flu" to "hair flu". I myself had three simultaneous colds and nasal diarrhea. We thank our readers for their patience during the extended holiday misery. We're back now. My advice to you is to wash all your doorknobs and telephones in the dishwasher and start a regimen of antiviral cream rinse. Please enjoy these captions.

Joke #1 - In California, where "herbal remedies" and "alternative medicine" enjoy growing popularity, a father brings his son to a flock of naturopaths to cure his polydactyly. Nearby, an older gentleman awaits treatment for his hemorrhoids, and a young hustler seeks rehabilitation from her meth addiction.

Joke #2 - "Sundays were my favorite day. After church, my family would go down to a stream in the park, where my father taught me to take bread away from the ducks. They didn't earn it. They didn't make it. They didn't deserve it, those worthless, lazy, forty-seven-percenter ducks. Golly, we hated them so much! Good times."   -Excerpt from Mitt Romney's childhood memoir, 'My Values, My Nation'.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

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