Wolf's Head Oil - Engine horror.

It is the burden of every oil manufacturer to educate the customer about what goes on inside their engine, and thereby, why they need to have a really good oil in there. This 1957 ad from Wolf's Head oil (which apparently exists) wants to shrink you down and stick you in your engine to see the nightmare of internal combustion first hand.

"Aaaaaaaa! FIRE! Somebody help m-" is what you'd think as your life was snuffed out before you could open your tiny mouth to scream. In case you thought your engine was basically a really big coiled spring, you need to know the truth - that there's fire and explosions, and maybe the Eye of Sauron in there, exploding your way to work.

Sauron; A leading cause of engine knock
and premature wear.
As any Guy Who Wears a Suit for a Living can tell you, nothing is real until it is either A) presented to you, double spaced, with a few charts and graphs thrown in for flair or B) you are magically de-biggened and teleported inside it and you burn and die.

I've noticed that any time anything even vaguely sciencey is explained to "laymen", the tone of the conversation immediately degrades to that of a toddler. Watch for the next mention of "science" on mainstream news networks (Bring a sandwich. You may be waiting a while.) and the anchor will instantly dumb it down to the level of a concussed orangutan, or... you know... the level of a news reader. Bam!

Any time something new kind of happens at Cern's LHC, they immediately use the completely retarded and inflammatory term "the God particle", so that people will understand nothing, but still get really angry at the researchers. Any time somebody at a university makes a tiny step forward in the development of metamaterials and radiation masking, the story will be tagged with the idiotic headline "Harry Potter- Style Invisibility Cloak Something Something". People talk about things in the vernacular that they understand them. In the case of science in the news, it's usually that of an eight year old. Mainstream news reporting: cherishing ignorance so you don't have to.

Anyoldway, Wolf's Head is still in business, I guess. I assume their oil is nice and oily with no aftertaste, but I've never seen it in any store. I was surprised to find their site. I hope they know more about oil than they do web design. If your site is going to play an annoying WAV of a howling wolf every time you view the home page, you should have a volume or mute button to turn that crap off. If you go to Valvoline's site, you aren't immediately assaulted with the sound of a valve leaning, are you? You're welcome, Wolf's head. Let me know when you're ready to send my check and I'll tell you where.

Click for big.


Steve Miller said...

Kinda looks like an interior illustration from the golden age of Science Fiction pulps, too. Just fewer BEMs.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

BEMs are bad for your piston rings anyway.

Thanks, Steve!


Richard Mahler said...

Well, yeah, I find myself hoping that at least the eight-year-old intelligence level will be attained by the media in reporting, after all, most eight year olds wil increase in knowledge and wisdom as they age because they are not willfully stupid and have no ignorance agenda. Watching the media enthusiastically engage in the elementary school yard behaviors of our congressional representatives ("Did too! Did Not! Did too! You're a poophead!" Am not! I'm telling what you said! Liar! Chicken! Chicken poop!) gives me little hope that we can have an adult conversation about anything, much less science. But then, the history of advertising in general reveals that it has always been about treating consumers like idiots who should never be given facts but be told what they should think. I know, I engaged in marketing for a living for nearly 30 years and fought a losing battle in that arena. The internet has been an unmitigated disaster for advertisers because a still-small percentage of thinking consumers now deliberately and routinely find purchasing facts for themselves, compare notes and prices, and some non-thinkers have even begun to ape this disgusting behavior. Thinking, logic and ethics should be taught in elementary school - but never will be.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Richard Mahler for president!


Richard Mahler said...

God no! The last thing I would want to be in this age, or any age in American history, is a politician! I would be satisfied if a bare majority of voters would engage in elementary logic and thought - not to mention what is good for themselves and their neighbors - before voting for any politician (statesmen are not allowed inside the beltway).

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