1964 Chevy II - Terrible leg room.

Today we bring you an interesting ad from 1964 for the Chevy II - an unassuming yawnmobile available with a fairly massive engine. This is what gearheads call a "sleeper".

A sleeper is a car that is actually way faster than it looks, and it takes a certain kind of person to appreciate the idea of embarrassing much flashier cars with a quick and surprising demonstration of acceleration.

That  being said, it's my personal opinion that beige is the single most appropriate color for a sleeper. Nobody expects a fast car to be beige - the color of the Transportation Appliance. Well chosen, Chevy.

But what goes on with the man and his presumed son?

What's the jokey vignette we're supposed to decipher from this picture? We can only assume that the man is annoyed that his son stole his Indian headdress just after he has shot himself in the hat with his apparently fully functional bow and arrow. Who gives their kid an actual metal-tipped bow and arrow set?

Aww, I can't stay mad at an irresponsible parent like this one, and I can't stay mad at his sociopathic son. Look at that hangdog expression. He knows he done wrong. Run along, ya little scamp, and try not to murder anyone with your real metal-tipped bow and arrow.

But wait. There's more story to be told. That bloodthirsty little prick also shot off his dad's legs... and shadow! Somehow, he now has a hoverdad! Or, this photo could have been taken in the instant before he falls to the ground, like Wile E. Coyote before he realizes he's run off the cliff? Or, the people were badly pasted into the car photo.

Maybe this only LOOKS like a botched photo comping job? Let's put on our forensic photoshoppery hat and do some invenstigationalizing.

The Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade quickly Googled up a picture of a man of roughly 55 years old, about six feet in height wearing a baffling pair of trousers and placed him over the footless gent in the photo. It sure looks like we should be seeing at least one foot or something... or at least his shadow. Also, look at the edge of the car near the two figures and you can see a little halo of slightly darker white. Methinks the perpetrator of this hack job has failed to hide their tracks. Aha! We've caught you, overworked and underpaid photo retoucher of forty eight years ago! Turn in your X-Acto knife and rubber cement!

Ironically, considering his choice of pants, our stand-in on the right would be better off if he had cut off his shins, rather than choose to wear those freaky capri pants outside the house. The pants are the real crime here, and our eyes are the victims. Let us all draw chalk outlines around our eyeballs and resolve not to let middle aged men wear clam-diggers, capris, or superfloods in public.

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