Careers in Art! - Careers in dart!

Make some darts, you!

Back in 1951, before everything smaller than a giraffe was made basically for free by Chinese slave babies, you had to make your own fun. Darts, for example, could only be afforded by the three richest sultans on the moon. The rest of us troglodytes (see illustration) had to make our own.

Setting aside all questions of whether a mouth-breathing goober like the one in the picture should be allowed to handle pointy things, you can totally make your own throwable pointy thing, you mouth-breathing goober! The partial instructions are partially right. They instruct you to cut off the head of the nail and file it to a point before driving it into the wooden clothespin. This mouth-breathing goober recommends using the head of the nail to drive it into the clothespin (as directed by the National Nail Council), and then cutting it off and filing it to shape the point of the dart. But, what do I know about breathing through my mouth, or goobering, for that matter? Paint your target on a chair cushion, as shown, for some extra-bouncy random dart peril.

Clearly, the artist tasked with illustrating the home made eyeball puncturing kit dart game loves detail, for that extra touch of realism. No upholstery nail is too distractingly unnecessary. No unnecessary bench is too unnecessary. No overbite is too overbitten. This talented gent has clearly had some training. Where? Possibly this! That's why!

ART FOR A PROFITABLE CAREER! No previous experience or skill necessary. Also, no small words like "the" or "is" necessary! You get?

Of all careers advertised in the opportunity-spewing pages of Mechanics Illustrated, no vocation is so enthusiastically heralded as being "talent free" as art. Everyone knows that any semi-concussed yokel can be taught to draw gigantic amazonian women in togas (see illustration). Naturally, they will pay you in enormous amazonian dollars and also offer to sleep with you, as the ad implies. At the very least, you will get to see some side hogan as they raise their giant arm for the pose (see illustration again). As a professional artist/yokel, I myself have several twelve-foot women awaiting my talent-free sleep action at home right now. Also drawing them. Then we will play darts, after making some darts. We will, of course, drive our nails into our clothespins before cutting off the heads and filing them to an eyeball-puncturing point. What kind of mouth-breathing gooberyokeltroglodyte to you think I am?

Click for big.

Click for big.


Richard Mahler said...

No typographic talent was needed to design the ad either. Gotta love the trend-setting word spacing on the coupon and those dotted lines that guide your trembling scissors in excited anticipation at your new career as your own boss. Then, as now, there are hordes of people with wads of cash seeking the talents of self-taught artistes who learned their craft from the prestigious post office box schools of art. Do not forget to put a stamp on the envelope. I only wish there had been room in the ad space to describe the contents of not one but TWO Art Outfits (it is unclear if this refers to the tools and materials you will use or the smock and beret all true artists wear when they are creating).

Ads of the genre and period were updated when break-through computer technology convinced the world (corporate HUs included) that ubiquitous machines and software were all that were needed to make everyone an artist, designer and typographer. Inner talent and imagination could be unleashed with only a mouse and keyboard. Who knew? The world has never been the same - creative democratic artistic excellence is in evidence wherever you look! Will the small miracles of technology never cease?

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Sounds like you may have a position in the industry, there, Rich. Thanks for commenting!


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