Kooking Kornir - Lord of the frys.

Hello, savages! It's summertime, and that means serving up your stickiest, drippiest dishes right in your own fire pit! Today we're going to have our own little barbaric luau featuring an adorable pig effigy that your little band of castaways can fight over, as if it were the last food they'd ever see! I have the conch shell, so shut up and listen, you sillies!

Start by running a nice hot bath for your pig... a bath of some kind of soup, I mean! Gumbo or Mulligatawny will do, as long as it has lots of chunks in it. Be sure your "bathtub" is big enough to accommodate one dirty little four pound piggy. Someone needs a wash... in gravy!

Piggy can be made from almost any castoffs from the butcher's counter. We made his body from a beef heart. His head is a giblet, and his legs are chicken drumsticks and wings, cleverly arranged to look just like an unhappy porker. Dig a hole in the sand and line the bottom with charcoal or a bowl of gasoline, or both! Light it up, and when things are nice and hot, in goes piggy, wrapped in tinfoil.

You'll be hard pressed to keep your little tribe of natives at bay long enough for piggy to cook fully, so keep them from eating each other by serving up some beans, yams, fruit and all your heaviest summertime fare, fit for a full day of backyard fun in the blazing sun. But don't let them forget the real star of the show! This little piggy will go "whee whee whee" all the way home... IN YOUR STOMACH, hahahaha!

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