The Cowsills - Cracker Van Beethoven.

Hey, crackers! If your parents like Lawrence Welk, and you're looking for some hep young music to impress your friends at your church group, tune in to the super-non-rocking sound of The Cowsills! They put the "honk" in "honkey".

Yes sir, this fine family made Pat Boone look like Al Green. If you're into non-threatening family-oriented safety-pop, The Cowsills were your thing, and here they are busking for Big Milk. If you ask me, milk should be a little embarrassed to share the spotlight with a bunch of squares like this.

Fig1. On the left, Enter Sandman. On the right, Mister Sandman.
A guitarist's bad-assness can be approximately rated by the height at which he or she wears the guitar. In Fig. 1, we see James hetfield wearing his guitar so low that it wobbles to and fro, so low that he can tie it in a knot or tie it in a bow. When playing, he often adopts a hunched, ogre-like posture. He rocks pretty damn hard. On the right we find either Bill or Bob Cowsill (I doubt even they could tell each other apart), who wore his guitar at sternum-height, probably to keep his hands well away from his pelvicular area, because that would be "dirty".

Looks like a Hofner, but
it's an "Epiphoney".
Before inspiring the fake TV band family The Partridge Family, The Cowsills was started by just the four brothers, because they wanted to be The Fake Beatles. Trouble is, we already had The beatles. The Cowsills were not The Beatles. That is why this brat needs to put down that Hofner violin bass RIGHT NOW. You're not Paul McCartney, so knock that shit off immediately, kid.

If you had an especially good weekend, and feel the need to suffer a little for your happiness, please completely fail to enjoy this The Cowsills TV special from 1968. You may need a bucket. You're welcome.

Click for big.


MrsBug said...

O.M.G. Talk about a different time. My parents had a Cowsills album when we were growing up and I kinda liked it. That TV special is just beyond...what a different age! They're so white bread, you could celiac disease from them.

Anonymous said...

That video...OH-MY-GAW...uuuuuurrrrp. Uh-uuuuurrrlp.**Gak**

Mission Accomplished, Mr. AreGo.


Joseph Max said...

That Hofner bass probably is a real Hofner - I don't think Epiphone (or whoever owns the name now) was making them back in the 60s.

I owned one Cowsills 45 single when I was a kid (in the Precambrian era), their rendition of "Hair". Which actually wasn't so bad, and was a pretty edgy thing to make a hit out of in those days (it's from that Broadway show that has NUDITY in it!)

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Thanks, Joe. I'm sure you're right about the Hofner. That was just a joke, based on the Cwsill kid being a counterfeit Beatle.

MisterFancyHotBalls_2, please enjoy your mouthful of puke!

Mrsbug, you're right. Those crackers are frikkin MADE of gluten.

Thanks for reading, everyone![-Mgmt.]

NobodyAtAll said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssBnkkK2c7A - hey, looks like Susan heard you. She's playing a six-stringer in this 2009 clip.

Long may she continue.

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