The Heritage Book Club - Reading for wankers.

What do your books say about you? If you're not a member of The Heritage Club, not enough.

You've got the house in the suburbs, with the right car parked in front of it, and the right husband with the right job, and a mini bar with the right bottles on it. You're ready to host an ideal cocktail party that's sure to raise your status in the neighborhood, right? Wrong, dear. You need to be seen owning the right books!

Your new friends can judge your house, car, and husband by looking at them. But how will they judge what's in your head? Show them what you want them to believe is in your head - that you've read all the standard classics, carefully chosen by a panel of scholars for maximum "impressitude". Join The Heritage Club immediately and be assured of your proper place in your mini-society.

One beautifully bound and probably printed book will arrive on a regular basis, ready to be proudly displayed on your shelf where it will tell the world what sort of person you imagine yourself to be. These sumptuous volumes are of a quality suitable to be handed down for generations, enriching the social lives of your heirs with all that they imply. So, join The Heritage Club today and begin pretending living the life you've always imagined.

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Richard Mahler said...

And even better, when you are no longer in a position to impress your friends - because you and they are no longer living (how impressive is that, anyway) - your heirs will unbox those dusty but pristine, never-read Heritage tomes and sell them on yet-to-be-invented eBay on something called the internet that is accessible on a "home" computer that has made books nearly extinct, and for truly impressive prices to people who wish passionately to be retro-impressive. Or if your heirs are lazy they can choose to be ripped off by an estate agent who will profit handsomely by selling your books for them at pennies on the dollar. Truly impressive! But, what the hell, you're beyond being impressed!

Steve Miller said...

My heritage book club comes straight out of the dumpsters behind Half-Price Books. Gonna send you some more scans soon.

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