Army Specialist School - learning is special when you're special.

All the Army wants to do is help you learn stuff. It's just a big trade school with a placement program called "The Korean War". Yeah yeah, whatever. We're here for the clip art.

Look at that happy gent, fixing that engine. "A secure and congenial way of life"? Zoom out the camera a little bit and you'll see he's in the middle of a jungle with bullets whizzing overhead. But the important thing is, he's happy to be learning in 1950. Here in The Future, he can still serve you. It just takes a little 'Shopping. here, let me get that for you.

See? Now he's ready to help you show the world what you're learning! As Schoolhouse Rock taught us, "Knowledge is power!" Print him out and fill in his knowledge square. For example:
  • Look what I'm learning: You've been cheating on me!
  • Look what I'm learning: The dog's in the downstairs freezer.
  • Look what I'm learning: We're out of coffee again, and it's your week to shop.
  • Look what I'm learning: I have chlamydia!
  • Look what I'm learning: I can do better than you.
  • Look what I'm learning: Engines are hard.
  • Look what I'm learning: "Secure and congenial" can mean lots of things.
  • Look what I'm learning: You snore like a wood chipper.
  • Look what I'm learning: No one cares about results as long as I look busy!
  • Look what I'm learning: Signaling lane changes is a sucker move.
  • Look what I'm learning: Majoring in business is basically majoring in "undecided".
  • Look what I'm learning: I can't feel my legs!
  • Look what I'm learning: You're STILL cheating on me, and now we both have chlamydia!


fizzy said...

May 1950 — it’s secure and congenial until June, when you’re off to Korea. I don’t see “frozen infantry” or “geopolitical pawn” on that list though.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

It must be in the fine print of the standard-issue map of the Mekong Delta, which was handed out upon arrival. Thanks for reading, Fizzy!


[lrf] said...

Wonder when the Army stopped training GI's in watch repair. Probably sometime after Vietnam...

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