Kooking Kornir - Gelatinous Crater Mite Larval Ring.

Pathetic humans! Prepare to accept a delightful summer recipe or be destroyed! Gelatinous Crater Mite Larva Ring! Observe this image with your eyestalks!

If you are like me, Oteogg, Conqueror of All Space, you know how long the summer afternoons can be on any planet within seven thousand kilometers of your parent star! Armed with the formidable preparation whose construction I am about to describe, your young will be begging for a complete absence of dessert, for their bellies will be full of wonderful crater mite larvae!

Begin by harvesting crater mite larvae from your local scorched, uninhabitable crater! Remain motionless for not less than six hours, and crater mite larvae will emerge from subterranean burrows to eat your flesh! The joke will be on them, as you seize them in your mighty claws, flinging them into your larvae bucket! Return to your base, and lightly kill your crater mite larvae with a mite mallet, placing them in a level three containment field while you prepare the bundt cake pan!

Seize a bundt cake pan and slather the interior with food-grade dietary lubricant! Then, pour in an introductory layer of multipurpose protein gelatin! Allow the introductory layer to set, then add the crater mite larvae, arranging them in a delightful fashion, as shown in the image above! Observe delight now!

On top of the larval layer, add chunks of adult crater mite meat! Whoops! Go back to the scorched, uninhabitable crater and capture an adult crater mite, first! I am sorry! Fill the bundt cake pan to the rim with the remaining multipurpose protein gelatin! Allow this preparation to become firm, over a period of one pathetic Earth hour in a refrigeration unit, or outside the hull of your ship! The firming process may be accelerated by shouting at it!

Present this to your young and / or troopers while screaming the Song of Grinding With Teeth, and watch them cower with joy!

I am Oteogg! I have spoken!

Communication ends!


Jim D. said...

Mighty Oteogg, grace me with your wisdom: all nearby craters are inhabitable. Is it acceptable to substitute canned crater mite larvae?

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Canned crater mite larvae may be used as a substitute for free range crater mite larvae only if they are being imprisoned for their insolence and then killed later! Only insolent or belligerent crater mite larvae are acceptable!

I am Oteogg! I have spoken! :)

Anonymous said...

It is I, Kreleg - Slayer of the Phremulite Scumsaacs!! I ask what is the arrangement of delicate disc-like
puscules surrounding this heavenly crater mite ring? So that I too may nourish my whining troops in proper Oteogg fashion, before I beat them! These are my words to you!

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Those are hideous phosphor serpent sections! And, they are added only for color! No sentient creature can eat such horrible things! I am not a savage, for crying out loud!

I am Oteogg!
I have spoken!

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