Gibbs Dentifrice, and 2015 Predictions!

It's a new year, citizens! That means... objectively, not much, but to a lot of people embarking on a new Arbitrary Companrtmentalized Segment of Time, it means lots. For example, it's the one time of year, apparently, when you should burn a few calories trying to change something about yourself. The rest of the year, just do whatever is easiest, I guess.

Here at GO! Tower, we have "gazed in the future" using our seven dollar conversation piece and assembled this list of predictions for 2015. Who knows what may hap? Keep breathing for another 360 days and find out... if you dare!

Phil Are GO! 2015 Predictions (Spoilers ahead!)...

1. Stefani Germanotta Lady Gaga will rent last year's slightly obsolete SpaceX vehicle, screw a vacuform boob cover on it, call it a "dress", and hail herself as a genius inventor of mind-blowing couture.

2. The phone manufacturer circle jerk of phone thin-ness will continue, with the release of a generation of devices less than four millimeters thick, while weeping customers beg for a device that can run a full day on one charge.

3. A General Atomics AQ-1 Predator unmanned drone will announace a bid for the American presidency. Critics will call into question its military career, its stance on immigration, and demand it re-title itself as an unpersonned drone.

4. Literally hundreds of people will publicly announce they have never been sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby.

5. Kim Jong Un will find out where is cake.

Here's a good New year's Resolution from Jerry Orbach. Brush your teeth.


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