Del Monte - Corn Lorraine.

America loves corn, right? It's our largest crop, so that's a lot of corn we must be eating. Well, actually, most of the corn (40%) goes to ethanol production. After that, the next largest portion  (36%) of the corn becomes animal feed. That's good, because animals are delicious. Sorry, animals. If you don't like it, stop being so yummy. Only a wee bit of the corn pie is used for direct human consumption, and most of that wee bit becomes high fructose corn syrup, which few people are pleased with.

Speaking of corn pie, how bout some corn pie? Wooo! Corn... pie? Anybody?

Cast your mind back to the last time you had quiche. My last quiche experience was some kind of hors d'oeuvres thing at a reception or something. They were light, eggy, and savory, and they ran out fast. Despite what zuba-wearing guys from the eighties tried to tell us, quiche is pretty damn good.

I'm sure this photo was the ladies' idea.

Besides, the guy who wrote Real Men Don't Eat Quiche was a satirist, and he was joking. However, satire is lost on guys like the one pictured at left, and the phrase was quoted out of context by a brilliant combination of guys who thought that A) since "quiche" was a French thing, and B) since (in their estimation) the French are wussies, eating quiche would turn them into wussies. Do not accept life advice from homophoboxenophobes who are secretly worried about what steroids are doing to their wieners.

So, Corn Lorraine, anyone? A momentary Google search reveals that quiche lorraine traditionally calls for four eggs. The key difference in the Del Monte recipe seems to be the substitution of two of those eggs with one 17 oz. can of creamed corn. Bleah. Two things. I've never been eating nice, fresh or frozen corn and said "This is pretty good, but I wish it had been pulverized into a goo and left in a can for several months." Also, I have never been eating quiche and said "Man, I wish this were half corn goo. That would solve the lightness and fluffiness problem this quiche is having right now."

Of course, food companies are always ready to recommend a stream of recipes by which you could refocus your entire life around their product. A good policy towards Corn Lorraine is this: "Was quiche lorraine broken in some way that can be fixed with corn goo?" The answer in 1966 was the same as it is now.



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