Neighbors and Helpers - Colonial education.

More news now, from 1939, where we learn how 1939 thought they learned in the 1700s. Get some learn!

First, we learn that the Colonials dressed way too formally. Their clothes were stuff and awkward, not like the easy-relaxed fashions of the 1939 classroom, where teachers wore wool suits with a fedora, or wool skirts and a peacock-feathered hat. Savages!

Next, it is revealed that boys and girls were segregated on opposite sides of the room, to keep them from having sex forever.

In the olden times, an ill-behaved child was said to be "mischievous". This was before we got all enlightened. Now, kids that in the past would be called "jerks", or "assholes" are now understood to be "differently nice".

When a boy was Differently Nice to a pair of girls, he was punished by being forced to sit among girls. We now understand this to be unusual cruelty, and an educator that disciplines kids in this way would be fired and forced to sit among girls.

Only by shouting simultaneously could students reassure the teacher of their focus and good study habits. Those that didn't study properly were monstrously shamed. Notice that the stupid child is the only one wearing a silly hat. We now know that stupid children have what education specialists call "Alternative Intelligence". In this same way, we have come to a new profound understanding that kids who are only good at sports have what is called "Physical Intelligence", and should be granted scholarships to the very best schools, based solely on their sports performance. By the same token, wimpy but brilliant students can now compete in the Olympics or the World Series based purely on their skill at playing chess.

The ribbon system was used to reward positive behavior as well as to call out poor behavior. This system made it easy for parents to know whether to feed their children when they got home, or simply beat them. This barbaric practice was, of course, abandoned long ago. We now know that every child is a special miracle and everything they do is wonderful and perfect. Thanks to this new understanding, American education routinely tops the world rankings among developed nations.