Tyresoles - Whither, retreads?

Today we bring you a public service announcement from England, where you can rely on a baby to alert you to critical automotive maintenance events. Good to know!

So, Tyresoles are understood as what we call "retreads", once you finish stumbling past the British spelling of "tire". "What's a retread?" you ask? Usually, it's when a shitty movie is made from a previously made property, to show you how hard it is for Hollywood dipshits to make something original, or something that you don't watch with your face cradled in your hands. See the Underdog movie, the Thunderbirds movie, the Inspector Gadget movie, the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes movie, or the Matthew Broderick Godzilla movie. Note that by "see" I mean "see as an example". By no means should you see any of those movies unless you have two robot pals to help you make jokes.

A retreaded tire (or "tyre") first requires (or "reyqoyires") inspection by a certified tyre baby. The baby will check the tyre (or "toiyrire") for any remaining tread. Having verified that the toiyrire is indeed bald as his/her baby-bottom, your toiyrire baby will then check to see that the toiyrire (or "taiyroree") is suitable for repair. He or she will check the taiyroree carcass for holes, gaps, apertures, passthroughs, tears, gashes, slits, nails, tacks, safety pis, railroad spikes, daggers, scimitars, poleaxes, glaives, shiruken, wakizashis, and, if you live in England, kippers. The taiyroree baby will then remove the taiyroree from the car, and put it in his/her van, to be taken to the Taiyroree Treatment Facility where it will have a new tread strip glued onto it. Yes, really. Glued.

"How can this be safe? Is it as good as a new taiyroree? Are you trying to kill me?" you ask? Apparently, it's completely safe, and no, not really trying to kill you. Taiyroree (or "tchoiyrrr") retreading is routine for fleet and delivery trucks. Tchoiyrrrs are frikkin expensive, and a retread is much cheaper. This spring, I'm looking at replacing the tchoiyrrrs on the GO-mobile, and it's going to hurt. Why can't I get retreads for my car? Word is that a retread is 80% cheaper than a new tchoiyrrr, if you believe Wikipedia.

So, double-you tee eff? You never hear about people putting retreads on passenger vehicles any more. The P.A.G. Research and Googling Team found this admittedly anecdotal article explaining why not...

Jeff Yurasits of Joe's Battery & Tire in Allentown, a 29-year veteran of the business, said Joe's probably hasn't sold a retreaded passenger tire in the last 10 or 15 years. "They pretty much were priced out of the market," he said, as new-tire prices declined, narrowing the price differential. Low-cost new tires from overseas were a factor in that process, according to the retread tire industry. 
In addition to the narrowed price differential (caused in part by the advent of low-cost imports of new tires), the multitude of passenger-tire sizes made it difficult for retreaders to keep pace, Stevens said. Truck-tire sizes vary far less.

Aaaaah, that makes sense. Too many different sizes and tread patterns to manufacture. Bummer. I would definitely have considered remanufactured tchoiyrrres for my car.

Anyway, here's a surprisingly interesting video on how retreading is done. The video is hosted by the tallest baby I've ever seen, but he seems to know his stuff. Isn't he a good boy? Yes he is! Yess he iss! Isn't he a goody woody widdle boyyy?


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