Dear readers,
We have concocted a brief list of quips that the figures in the below-presented Illustration may be saying, or may be said about them. We think you and your family will find our japes witty and hilarious!
Jape #1 - Miss Spratt couldn't be sure, but she suspected Mr. Fishfingle had moved his chair ever so slightly closer to hers. Was this some of that "sexual harassment" she had read about? She would glance up at his chair again after lunch to check again.
Jape #2 - "Mis Spratt, do call Mr. Hogarth and ask him if he remembers leaving his brain on my desk this morning. It doesn't quite look like mine."
Jape #3 - The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. Mr. Fishfingle's heart pounded in his chest. "Miss Spratt," he stammered, "there have been... uuh... times, err, in the past, when I have, errrr.... pictured your ankles in my mind." There! He had said it! Now all he had to do was leap out of the window for shame.
Jape #4 - "'Dear Penthouse Letters. Once, of a summer's afternoon, I caught a glimpse of my neighbor's petticoats as they hung on the line, drying in the sun.' Good heavens, Miss Spratt! What filth is this that you have brought into my office? You Jezebel!"
Jape #5 - "Miss Spratt, I have decided it's too dull around here. After lunch, we will swap the pictures onto the opposite walls! Delightfully devilish, don't you think?"
Jape #6 - "Miss Spratt, take a note: 'Dear proprietors of the New Permissiveness Jazz Club which has moved into the ground floor of our very office building. Please cease at once your early practising of all musics during normal business hours. The infernal horn honking and toot-noodling has provided no end of unproductive distraction during these, our conventional hours of operation. After the hour of five-and-thirty of the evening, please feel free to commence rehearsing the Devil's music as loudly as you may choose, with the exception of the song Minnie The Moocher, which I find wholly unacceptible entertainment at any hour of the day, as would any reasonable personage of respectable upbringing. You improvident scoundrels. Yours, etc. Mr. James Fishfingle, proprietor Fishfingle, Vinderdint, & Fishfingle, attorneys at law.' There. Now please read that back to me, Miss Spratt."
Quite a treat, Dear readers! Our Jim D., who has quite a flair for narrative, has penned a quip for today's picto-post! Such a quip! Thanks, Jim! jape #7 - Fishfingle was frankly flummoxed. The HOURS he'd spent imagining Miss Spratt's reaction to the desktop hedgehog and the trophy he'd won for keeping it in his trousers longer than any other contestant in the Winnetka Hedgehog-Legging Competition! The CARE with which he'd devised and practiced his casual-sounding, yet utterly louche rejoinder to what he was SURE would be her obvious questions! But no, she kept that lovely little head steadfastly down, eyes on her work, nose to the grindstone, maddeningly all business, as usual! He could feel the leg wounds suppurating within the hot, confining legs of his wool trousers . . . Well, he decided, when she takes her lunch I'll move either the hedgehog or the trophy to her chair. Then she'll HAVE to react!
[Quips submitted by our Dear Readers shall be included in the Picto-Post. -Mgmt.]
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Fishfingle was frankly flummoxed. The HOURS he'd spent imagining Miss Spratt's reaction to the desktop hedgehog and the trophy he'd won for keeping it in his trousers longer than any other contestant in the Winnetka Hedgehog-Legging Competition! The CARE with which he'd devised and practiced his casual-sounding, yet utterly louche rejoinder to what he was SURE would be her obvious questions! But no, she kept that lovely little head steadfastly down, eyes on her work, nose to the grindstone, maddeningly all business, as usual! He could feel the leg wounds suppurating within the hot, confining legs of his wool trousers . . . Well, he decided, when she takes her lunch I'll move either the hedgehog or the trophy to her chair. Then she'll HAVE to react!
"Miss Spratt, Here is another letter from one of those fine young folks who toured our corner office with the magnifitorious view last week. Take this one down for the Metro Times, too, please:
Dear Mr. Fishtingle,
Thank you for giving our class a tour last week. I have three questions to ask you about your swell corner office with the magnifitorious view:
1) How are they hanging? They don't look the same.
2) Did you build that bookcase yourself? Why don't you put that other book under the short leg so they don't fall out on the floor every time the train goes by?
3) Does Miss Spratt laugh at your paper clip bin a lot? Miss Trudy, our teacher, couldn't stop laughing and snorting and choking and honking when she saw it. Miss Spratt gave her a paper bag to breathe into and said it helps sometimes.
4) Why don't you wear your twopay on your head instead of laying it on your desk? Nobody would notice your head is bald if you did that. When it is on your desk it just looks like a dead chinchilla.
It was a fun trip and I learned at lot.
Jimmy Hogarth
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