Spud Imperials - Spuds Hackenzie.

Soooo, it looks like there used to be a cigarette company called "Spud". Whatever oldness you have to be to know this, I guess I'm not it. That's nice.

Why would you name your company something as goofy as "Spud"? Well, if your a guy whose nickname is "Spud", like Lloyd "Spud" Hughes. Long story short, he was a man from Ohio who had the idea of adding minty flavoring to cigarettes to make the smoke seem cooler, or, if you're a "special needs" professional with a career in marketing, "Kool-er". I'll remind you now that your trademark will be more bulletproof if you make up a stupid spelling for an already existing word so that you can say you invented that retarded version of the word. Thus does marketing spread ignorance throughout the land. This is why so many people think "espresso" is spelled "expresso". It is also why the letter S has been all but supplanted with the letter Z in nearly all forms of printed advertising.

Anyhoo, yeah, menthol cigarettes. Since the smoke gives you the illusion of coolness, Spud then goes hog wild implying that their cigarettes are not necessarily "good" for your throat, but "less awful" for your throat. Notice that, in the copy, they're very very careful not to say that their cigarettes are helpful in any way. However, they very energetically imply the hell out of "they're helpful in every way".

"Spuds' exhilirating menthol seems to cut right through that cold-clogged tatse and bring you old-time smoking pleasure!".

"Seems" is subjective, and cannot be disproven.

"Voice husky? Smoke a pack of spuds! They're not a remedy. But many find them more agreeable, more pleasing, at times when they can't enjoy other cigarettes!" As good as "Severed femoral artery? Smoke a pack of Spuds! They won't help you save your leg, or deliver you to a hospital, but they won't make it any worse!" Also "Voice husky? Whack a hornets' nest with a pool cue! It's not a remedy, but it won't directly exacerbate your voice problem... until you start screaming from the stinging and the hornets fly down your throat... but that's not a direct effect, right? Try Spuds!"

This sentence describes second-hand anecdotes, which may or may not be completely made up, and also cannot be disproven. Also, "many" is subjective and basically has little meaning. The one smidgen of actual truth here is that "They're not a remedy."

"...does not produce irritating acrolein..."

This sentence only mentions one of the many irritants in cigarette smoke, and Axton-Fisher would like you to forget that.

"Enjoy the feeling of cool refreshment..."

Again, completely subjective, and meaningless.

But hey, this print ad is pretty innocuous, compared to this Spuds TV ad. This ad lets me enjoy the feeling of irritated bemusement when I can't enjoy other forms of advertising! Many find it more freaky, more condescending. Stare deep into his eye-holes and want a smoke.

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