Johnny Carson Apparel - Heeeeeere's Johnny... ('s head)!!!

In 1971, Johnny Carson was His Majesty, the King of Late Night, a throne now warmed by the cheeky backside of James Kimmel (his mother and I still call him "James"), who's doing a yeoman's job of keeping the show funny. That being said, Jim- wups! James will know he's truly arrived when he has his own line of sportswear, like Johnny did in '71. Check out those pants.

Fair warning: You may want to be sipping your tea when you look down in a second.

*** Begin sipping tea now. ****

Okay, look down.

Sorry about the mess.

Save this picture for all your friends who are always complaining that there aren't enough full-length images available of Johnny not sitting behind his desk, let alone wearing ultra tight pants. The spank bank of your grandma is now refilled. You're welcome, 'gram.

"But," you may say, "there's something funny about this picture." You may also continue "I'm no member of the Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade, but I believe I can detect some kind of photo-visual hanky-panky going on in this image."

Well spotted. Something's up with Johnny. His head looks... weird. It's a little too big and a little sharper or more ocntrasty than the rest of the image. This photo is kind of softly-focused, but his head looks a tiny bit sharper. Also, the tones in the photo are kind of grayish and "mid-rangey", but his head has some dark blacks that just don't appear the same as the rest o fthe picture. Let's go in for a closer look...

If Johnny's head had been swapped in for someone else's, we might expect to see some "faking in" of the louvered doors in the background around his head, possibly to cover up traces of the other model's head where it didn't match the shape of Johnny's. Considering that this was 1971, and all they had to work with were X-Acto knives and airbrushes, things like this should be easy to pick out. However, I don't see any funny business going on back there.

What we do see is johnny's head looking too big for his body. If his head were enlarged to neatly cover up the other model's head, without any messy painting in of extra background, this would make sense.

Hmm. Was Johnny's head simply strangely big for his body? We'll need to find a picture of his whole person. That will be tricky, considering he made his career sitting behind the interviewer's desk. P.A.G. research and Googling team, ASSEMBLE! PKSHOW!

Okay, heeeeeer'es Johnny standing up, in a photo from some time in The Sixties (He took over The Tonight Show in 1962, after Jack Parr stepped down.) We lined him up with his slightly older self in tight trousers a handful of years later. We then dragged out some guides (those cyan lines), matching up the top of his head and the heel of his right foot. Note how his chin on the left lines up with his bottom lip on the right. Unless Johnny's head enjoyed a growth spurt in The Sixties, someone's been messing with the photo.

Maybe those slacks-that-aren't-very-slack were a little too much for Johnny to try on? Just because it was called "Johnny Carson Apparel" doesn't mean it's "Johnny Carson's Apparel". Sorry, grandma.

Click for big.