The Domestic Fire.

Joke #1 - Realizing their house was on fire, Julia did what any parent would do and hid behind her son.

Joke #2 - When faced with an uncontrollable house fire, try to stay out of the effected room until the fire department extinguishes it, or at least until they have it under control.

Joke #3 - "Danny! I asked you to put your fire away before we left!"

Joke #4 - Tonight was going to be worse than Julia feared. The fire was home early from its business meeting, which was never a good sign... and it had been drinking.

Joke #5 - "Danny! I asked you to put out your room before we left! You're grounded, mister! Go straight to your room this instant! Yes! Your room!"

Joke #6 - This was why Julia disliked staying at unfamiliar hotels. Did the concierge say to continue past the raging fire, or to make a left?

Joke #7 - This was just terrific. Julia had just come home form Macy's with three new designer extinguishers. If only she had returned a few minutes earlier.

Joke #8 - Sure, it was great being Mrs. Mister Green Christmas, and Mrs. Mister One Hundred and One, but some days Julia really regretted marrying The Heat Miser. Then there were the family get-togethers.

Joke #9 - So, it turned out that building a Lamborghini powered by inexpensive "hoverboards" was a poor idea.... not to mention storing it in the kitchen.

Joke #10 - "Smaug honey, is that you? Uuh, you're home early. I was going to make dwarf tonight..."

Joke #11 - Flames and smoke poured from the kitchen. Julia cupped her son's bosom in terror.

Joke #12 - Awww, so sweet. Not only had the fire taken the afternoon off to come home early, it was also making dinner. Did she smell salmon?

Mr. FancyTolkienPants_2's love of the halflings' leaf has clouded his mind. Thanks for Joke #13, MFTP2! - Just then, Julia thought to herself that letting Danny play with his new friend the "Balrog of Morgoth" may not have been such a good idea...

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]