Flowerpants - "You can feel how good it looks."

Sure, some pretty bad shit happened this week, and it's easy to think things keep getting worse and worse and there's no hope for humanity. But you know what was going on forty-seven years ago? In the March, 1969 issue of Esquire magazine, this appeared...

This guy looks serious. Here he is, this guy, Mister Flowerpants, with his chin in his hand, as if he's judging you, the viewer. You're looking back at him through history and he's peering up at you through a hole in time, from forty-seven years ago. He's looking at you like he's not sure if he likes the look of you... like he doesn't quite approve of your lifestyle.

Flowerpants sees you, maybe with a cup of morning coffee in your hand, because you get up extra early to avoid sitting in traffic for an extra hour. Maybe he thinks your hair isn't puffy enough, or your glasses are too small. He's not really digging your sweater, and wonders why, if you're from The Future, aren't you wearing a plastic sphere over your head, and why you're not wearing a sparkly silver cape, and fluorescent lipstick.

"This is The Future???" he demands. "Where's the hovertable, man? Why isn't everyone having random sex, and talking in beeps, if they're so much further evolved?" "Has the world been taken over by squares in The Future?" Flowerpants is confused and disappointed by you, from The Alleged Future. He doesn't approve of your lack of grooviness. He doesn't approve of your boring button down-shirt and he especially doesn't approve of your boring old jeans.

For lots of reasons, go fuck yourself, flowerpants.

Click for 1000 px avatar.
UPDATE: Alert Reader John S. came to the realization that Flowerpants has a lot more judging to do in the world, and sent us a copy of him on a nice transparent background. Using this Flowerpants PNG, you can make Flowerpants pass judgment on anyone and anything you can think of. Does Flowerpants approve of your dog's surprise carpet pile? Does he approve your coworker's novelty coffee mug? Drop him into a picture or print him and cut him out and see. Your world needs to know if Flowerpants approves. Thanks to John for doing the pen tooling. The rest of you? You're welcome.


Jim D. said...

Just in time for the Easter parade! This year I'll find my face in the rotogravure for SURE!

Michelle_Randy said...

I think Mr. Flowerpants (who looks suspiciously similar to Mads Mikkelsen to me.

Plus, is it just me or is Mr. FP rockin' an ear stud?

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